Op-ed: We suspect that Loafe hires from a Ralph Lauren catalogue

We here at The Ubyssey are avid coffee drinkers. Almost every day is punctuated with a “want to get coffee?” when we get bored and need that sweet, frothy fix. Usually we go to Uppercase, but on those occasions when we really want to treat ourselves, we go to Loafe.

Sure, the coffee is great and the food delicious, if also overpriced. Yet, there is also the significant plus of being served coffee by what surely must be the most attractive gathering of people on campus since Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively stopped by for coffee and a stroll. Shout out to that guy with red hair, whose chiseled jaw and well-combed hair belong on an advert for an Irish singles website. Also a shoutout to the blonde-haired lady who never has to ask, “What was your order again?”

Buying coffee from Loafe is like walking by an Abercrombie & Fitch store with far more doughnuts and without the sleazy objectification.

So congratulations, employees of Loafe. You are all beautiful people whose warm, attractive smiles and genuinely pleasant personalities help to brighten our long, sleep-deprived days. Keep being the unreasonably perfect human beings that you are, but maybe lower the price of that food. My wallet can only take so many breakfast sandwiches.

Samuel Du Bois is a fourth-year arts student and culture editor for The Ubyssey.