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So I went to my local Footlocker, grabbed a few cans of shoe polish and went to town. I found Kiwi brand gave me the darkest black. But before I had the chance to outline my mouth, I was sternly asked to leave over and over again.

If you’ve followed my writing, you’d know how much I hate this liberal notion of the so-called “safe space.” Why should someone deserve to feel safe in their surroundings if they haven’t gone out and earned it?

There are a limited number of options to diffuse a Facebook comment war before screenshots are found by members of UBC Needs Feminism. Many of them have already rejected you on Tinder, and you don’t know how much more ridicule you can take.

As well, in a letter saying that the new pool gave her a rash, another writer claimed that swimming is a great way to reduce stress. Swimming is really stressful and terrible and you can’t breath because of all the water. I don’t know how to swim.

In an outcome that surprised nobody, Alan Grant, the smelly, jobless hippy, was evicted from Irving after multiple noise, sanitation and safety complaints were made by me, and presumably others as well.

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