99 things to do at UBC: Experiencing Wreck Beach in nothing but my socks

I, with great levels of confidence, made my way there, not worried at all about how pale I was. Zubair Hirji

#88: Get naked on Wreck Beach

Like most people, I’m super comfortable and able to be shirtless in extremely public situations like beaches, pools and Walmarts. So, like the super confident and chill guy I am, I decided I had to experience the freedom that is public nudity. As you’re probably aware, right next to campus is the only clothing-optional beach in Canada — Wreck Beach. It’s a mecca for aging hippies and nudists from across the country. I, with great levels of confidence, made my way there, not worried at all about how pale I was.

Down on the cold wet sand I stripped down, leaving only my socks on as that is the chillest thing to do in a situation like this. I felt totally free and 100 per cent not self conscious and uncomfortable. As I stood there ass out, the wind kissed me in places I never knew I had and all I could hear was the gentle sloshing of the waves, drowning out my confident whimpers.

#89: See someone you recognize at the beach and avoid eye-contact the whole time

As I inched towards the cold water, I looked behind me. A fully clothed student was walking with a group of his friends along the shoreline. Do I recognize him? How do I know that guy? They seem to keep stealing glances at me.

Oh lord. Realization hit me like the 1980s hit the Woodstock generation. I did a German project with him last semester. I was completely naked in front of a guy who help me pronounce the word “Eichhörnchen.”

I immediately did what I could to cover myself, but the damage was done. Our eyes met for far too long, I had to say something.

“Hey Greg!” I said.

He looked at his feet and quickly walked away, ignoring my naked, fleshy existence. As soon as he was out of sight, I dove for my clothes and scrambled to put them on.

#90: Get creeped out and never go nude to the beach again

As I slogged up those many steps, I vowed that this was the last time I’m ever going to go to Wreck Beach again. I’d rather not run the risk of seeing the naked bodies of my classmates, teachers and co-workers, or even worse them seeing my naked body. Wreck Beach is a beautiful place and a vestige of the free-love lifestyle, but I think I prefer my love at a premium price and thoroughly repressed.