Failed your first midterm? Dumped by your significant other? Lost your pet recently? Feeling insecure because that friend of yours is somehow able to balance five courses, a part time job and a fulfilling romantic life while you can barely hold it together with just four courses?
Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. We all have our shitty days, and sometimes we just have to let it all out by bawling uncontrollably. It’s just like what that Upworthy video said — it’s okay to cry.
But you already know that. Your problem right now, however, is that you’re on the verge of turning into a sobbing mess on campus but you’re too embarrassed to do that in front of tens of thousands of UBC students.
You know deep down that you’re a smart, likeable person who’s great at many things, but right now you’re convinced of the exact opposite and you really don’t want that acquaintance you talk to maybe once every three weeks to see you crying your eyes out.
So for all of your emotional breakdown needs, we’ve compiled a list of the best places on campus to burst into tears because, let’s face it, your life is clearly falling apart. Whether you’re looking for somewhere quiet and peaceful or you’re stuck in a bad situation and need to break down in the least awkward place, we’ve got you covered.
The bathrooms in Buchanan
It’s your first year at UBC, and you’re more than excited to finally get out of your lame hometown and test your smarts at a world-renowned academic institution. You take your first econ midterm thinking you knocked it out of the park, but a week later you get it back and see a big fat red super-F stamped on it. You’re distraught and your confidence has been crushed — but good news! There’s plenty of cold bathroom stalls throughout Buchanan where you cry as much as you want without anyone knowing it’s you! Because they're all filled with students bawling.
One flunked midterm isn’t the end of the world. If anything, it’s really the start of your UBC experience because, little do you know, it’s merely the first of many future occasions that this place will try to crush your confidence. The real education you’ll get here — other than, you know, your actual classes — is learning how to keep your head up in spite of your setbacks.
Wreck beach at night
We all know what Wreck Beach looks like during the day, and nobody wants to cry around that. At night, however, the beautiful scenery and vast expanse of Wreck Beach make it a great place for a truly cinematic cry.
Out here, you can have a nice, quiet walk by the ocean while you slowly release those tears, reminisce about your failed relationship and imagine Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” playing in the background. Sure, it was actually an extremely toxic relationship that your friends have been begging you to exit for months, but when you’re standing by the sea with tears rolling down your face, it all seems like such a sad, beautiful tragedy.
However, if it’s the daytime and you don’t want the naked people to see you cry, then you’ll have to go…
Beside a dumpster and behind a building that you’re never been inside
You really wish that you could’ve found a better place to break down, but you just really needed to get away from people and find the nearest secluded location available. This, of course, led you to walk down an alleyway behind two buildings that you’ve never been in before, and now you’re sitting beside a dumpster and crying into your hands and knees. You didn’t think anyone would see you here, but some construction worker saw you for a second and then went back to his own business. On the bright side, at least you’ve managed to find some peace and quiet.
Your dorm room
Your dorm room is an absolutely classic location. When all of campus feels like a bustling hurricane of stressful classes, obnoxious jerks and attractive people you don’t have the nerve to talk to, finally coming back to your dorm room at the end of the day is like settling down in a cozy shelter for as long as you like. Put simply, it’s where you can let your guard down and be yourself — and by that, we mean it’s the perfect place for you to start sobbing uncontrollably into a pillow where no one else can see. However, if you don’t have residence, then you’ll have to take it to…
The 99 B-Line
Ok, so you don’t have residence and now you have to ride the 99 B-line home to have your sob-fest. But chances are, you’re probably not gonna be able to hold it in ’til you get there, so now you’re gonna be that person crying on the bus.
This will likely go in one of two ways — either you’ll cry awkwardly while everyone pretends not to notice you, or some kind, wonderful angel will come console you and quickly become your new best friend. Except the latter never happens — at best, some second-year guy might write some shit on UBC Confessions about how they felt sorry for you.
So it looks like you’re stuck awkwardly crying on the 99, but hey, you can’t help it. You’re sad because Todd messed around with another girl and argued very defensively that you should “stop being so emotional” about it because the two of you were “never official.” Todd’s an asshole. Fuck Todd. You deserve some time to vent your feelings out, and if you’ve got no choice but to do that on the 99, then so be it.
Into the arms of your best friend
Through your happy moments and your sad moments, your best friend has been a consistently reliable part of your life. You might not want to burst into tears in front of that guy you sometimes talk to in your language requirement class, but in the arms of your best friend you feel perfectly comfortable opening up to them.
They know you well and they accept you for who you are, even when your face looks like a damp red towel. But if the reason you’re sad in the first place is that you’re struggling to make friends on campus, you can always go with...
On the phone with your mom
Ah yes, your mother — the one person who’s loved you unconditionally since day one. She’s always been there for you, not just because she loves you but also because she’s your mom and has no choice but to put up with your bullshit. Even if you don’t always get along, she knows your personality just as well as your friends do and will likely have some useful wisdom that can help see you through your troubles.
Love the Cairn. Embrace the Cairn. Bow down to the Cairn. Whether you’re an overworked engineer, “Sauder snake” or an arts student working at Starbucks, the Cairn is there for you. Unlike that bully, Buchanan Tower, the Cairn will help you heal. The physical one and the human one.