From the Cult: VP academic and university affairs interview

Kamil Kanji is running uncontested for VP academic and university affairs (AUA) this year, and after hearing how he cooks his eggs, we’re a bit scared to see what the future holds.

If you’re looking for facts and logic, head over to the news section. For crow-inflicted injuries and recycling tutorials, however, carry on as you were!

Responses were edited for brevity and clarity.

Who would play you in a movie about your life?

Well, I'm brown. So I would say maybe Shah Rukh Khan, who’s this really famous Bollywood actor. Or Hasan Minhaj, because who doesn't love Hasan Minhaj?

How do you cook your eggs?

My egg taste is really controversial and people hate me for it. But I do over hard with just salt and pepper. No omelette style, no scrambled, just over hard.

Describe your most unpleasant encounter with a bird.

Once I was walking to class from my house — in Vancouver, it's like crow and seagull central — and I had to walk through this alley where the seagulls and crows are always nesting. I was walking through and I made eye contact with this crow. I knew what shit was about to go down and started walking a lot faster, but that wasn't quick enough because the crow flew on top of me and started pecking up my head. I just started walking a lot faster, then I started running and the crow started following me. I ran all the way to Buchanan and made it there in like five minutes.

Could you tell me your best pickup line?

Okay, I'm in a relationship, so it's been a while since I've used a pickup line. Oh man, my game is severely off right now.

Kanji paused.

I’d say bless you, but it looks like you already have been.

What's your go-to cut of jeans?

I don’t pay attention to the cut. Probably skinny? Slim, maybe? I don't know if that's a style.

Which building on campus has the worst smell?

I’ve never been in Buchanan Tower, but that shit is old. It must smell musty as fuck in there.

Approximately how many grapes have you consumed throughout your life?

I was super into grapes for a long time growing up, so my mom would only feed me grapes as snacks whenever we’d go anywhere. So, probably a couple thousand.

Be honest: Do you have to use the little pictures on the bins when you recycle?

Yeah, all the time, and my friends clown me for it. Just to make sure I'm doing shit right.

From the Cult is The Ubyssey’s unofficial humour AMS Election coverage. For official elections coverage, visit the news section.