The Dingbat: The bold new ride-sharing service DropDonkey helps you get your ass to class

DropDonkey can be summoned at any time with a loud whistle, a bundle of hay and three to four apples. Maged

Those of you with a base level sense of awareness may have taken notice to a new edition to UBC’s after-class traffic. Amongst the hustle and bustle of Main Mail, countless individuals have been spotted riding atop miniature equine as a means of commuting across campus. These beasts of burden are part of a new ride-sharing service called DropDonkey.

Founded earlier this year in a startup incubator, the company strives to remove the hassle that technology brings to transportation and go back to “simpler methods for getting places.”

Rather than using a convoluted app to request a ride, a DropDonkey can be summoned at any time with a loud whistle, a bundle of hay and three to four apples.

No more crowded and hard to locate bike stands — a simple system of wooden posts next to lecture halls have been installed to tie up your apple-munching machine.

Many early users of the service have recalled a tranquil sense of harmony whilst “strutting to class to the subtle swaying of their ass’s asses.”

Furthermore, most ride-sharing services only have to worry about users mounting their units. DropDonkey, on the other hand, has to worry about the units mounting each other.

Another major pain point for the company is a general lack of available units.

The company has temporarily circumvented this problem by acquiring a number of retired racing mules. This solution has led to an entirely new host of problems. As one student described, “Yesterday I called for my 5:00 DropDonkey and rather than getting one of the usual burros, a greyed and mangy creature arrived in its place. Immediately after I mounted it, the thing kinda just keeled over and died.”

A funeral service for ‘Bucking Billy’ will be held on Friday.

Yet amidst all the controversy surrounding the company, DropDonkey has found quite a following amongst students still living at home. No more having to field the question, “So you’re too cool for your dad to drive you to school?” These students can now confidently reply, “Father your service will no longer be necessary! My ass Clarence will be here any minute!”

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour column. You can submit completed pieces or pitches to blog@ubyssey.ca.