How to prepare, cook and eat the allegedly ‘inedible’ Buchanan Beans

“Not edible as in will kill me?” Zubair Hirji

So it’s November and you’ve already blown through your meal budget. It turns out Jamjar every day is an uneconomical way to live. For those looking to get more into meal prepping, here are some recipes for you.

I came up with these recipes in my most desperate time, last September. I had blown through all my student loan money on one stupid purchase — tuition. The little money I had left I spent on cheques to pay rent and I then had no monies.

To pass my classes I needed energy, energy that could be gained by eating “food.” Because I had no money, I had to turn to the natural resources around me. Dirt was out of the question, as worms have already eaten it. I was intrigued by the trees in between Buchanan B and IKB, as they grew something looked like beans, which are a food.

The UBC archivists advised me that the beans of the western catalpa are “not edible” and also “not beans.” “Not edible as in will kill me?” I said. “Well they’re not poisonous but you shouldn’t-” and I didn’t catch what they said as I had heard all that I needed and was gleefully thinking of how to prepare something with these long beans.

Boiled Buchanan beans, boiled

4 beans

1 tablespoon of salt

3 litres of water

This recipe came to me first as my body was shutting down from a lack of vitamins. First boil a pot of water. Then salt the water. Then put the beans in the water.

The best way to describe this meal is that it is kind of sorta legally food. Actually, it is the only way to describe this meal.

Boiled Buchanan beans, fried

The 3 beans from before

1/4 cup of butter

1 teaspoon of salt

So immediately after throwing up, take the remaining beans and fry them in butter. Hope for the best.

Fried Boiled Buchanan beans, Magic Bulletted

The 2 beans left

Any liquid?

Smoothies just slide down your throat, you don’t really have to taste it or put it on your tongue.

Smoothied Fried Boiled Buchanan beans, frozen

1 beans worth of bean puree

Leave this in your freezer for your roommates to find. Try to forget what you have done.

As you may have guessed, these recipes work best when you literally have no other choice. These all pair well with the pasta sticks from Ike’s cafe.