How to have a successful bonfire at Wreck Beach

As fans of lighting things on fire at and away from Wreck, we at The Ubyssey feel compelled to share with you our tips and tricks for having the best possible party at UBC's most famous clothing-optional destination. Without further ado, here's how to have a successful bonfire at Wreck:

1. Check the weather

Nothing makes for a crappier bonfire than getting soaked right off the bat.

2. Make sure you can get up and down the stairs

Difficult when sober. Virtually impossible when not.

3. Make sure everyone else can get up and down the stairs

Don't bring the dude who always passes out if you're not 100 per cent committed to carrying him back up. Unless you're content with leaving him there, which, let's be honest, no one would blame you for.

4. Don't forget a lighter

There is nothing worse than being the lighter guy and forgetting the lighter. Don't be that guy.

5. Don't forget kindling

One of the many helpful uses of your official student newspaper.

6. Make sure you have firewood

If it's been dry for a while, you can usually scrounge up enough on the beach to form a nice little pyre. Otherwise, you're going to need to bring your own.

7. Don't forget alcohol/drugs

I mean, if you're into that sort of thing.

8. Bring backpacks/coffee cups

To carry and disguise all your not-alcohol from the...

9. Cops

You're unlikely to run into any problems on Wreck, but it is technically illegal to light things on fire there (as well as be there after sunset).

10. Bring music

Someone with a guitar is usually preferable to speakers and your phone, but either works. And hey, if you go for the latter you don't have to listen to Chad attempt "Stairway" for the fiftieth time. No, you don't "almost have it," Chad.

11. Know about bioluminescence

If it's dark enough, you can usually see the tiny glowing organisms if you wade a few feet into the Pacific and splash around a bit. If there's someone at the bonfire who a) you're into and b) doesn't know about this, it's a pretty neat way to get them away from the crowd and moderately impressed.

12. The cliffs are not your friend

There have been more than a few incidents of people falling down the steep cliffs near the beach. Be smart.

13. Wear clothes you don't care about

Smoke smell does not come out easy.

14. Wear appropriate clothes

Bring a windbreaker and some extra layers -- it can get blustery at night. And no, Wreck is not a place for your suede chucks, Chad.

15. Bring a blanket

Again, nothing you care too much about.

And 16. Don't get naked until you're absolutely sure everyone else is doing it

Not that we speak from experience or anything.