The Dingbat: How to hit the books this finals period

Take the tool and grasp the handle. Elizabeth Wang

With finals right around the corner, it’s time to buckle down and crack open those textbooks. If you’re anything like the average UBC student, you’ve probably left all your studying until the last minute.

You’re probably now frantically Googling tips to help you get good grades without the hassle of spending hours upon hours reviewing. Lucky for you, after reading this, you’ll have all the information you need to hit the books and get the grades.

Step 1: Acquire the necessary books

You’re not going to benefit from some science book if you’re taking speculative fiction or poetry, so choose the book or books carefully. An easy way to accomplish this is to take a look at that handy syllabus you got in the first week of classes — and then promptly lost or forgot about — and check under the required reading section.

Step 2: Find a flat surface to place them on

This step may feel a little self-explanatory, but trust me, finding the right flat surface to put the books on is crucial. A great example would be those neglected tables outside of Stir It Up Café in the lower floor of Buchanan A.

Step 3: Finding the correct bat

For this step’s fulfillment, I would recommend a baseball bat. It could be a wooden bat, a metal bat or a really strong plastic bat, so long as it can withstand a good whacking it will suffice.

Step 4: Hitting the books

Take the tool and grasp the handle. Take a deep breath, raise the bat and think about all the stress you’ve endured so far this semester. Now, as you exhale, bring the bat down on the assembled books. Congratulations, you’ve successfully hit the books.