The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour column. You can submit completed pieces or pitches to email@example.com
Sick of their classmates trying to leer over their iClicker remotes, “high-scoring students” from all UBC faculties staged a strike action this morning.
According to a statement issued by the student association, iClicker-acers— students who know the answer to every iClicker question— launched their first phase of strike action to protest against “iClicker-cheaters.”
Dani Kishore, a pro at acing iClicker questions and leader (apparently) of the association, said, “All of us put in hard work and effort to solve iClicker questions, but we’re only rewarded with awkward stares.”
She explained that even though awkward eye contacts are common when iClickers questions are asked, students like her have to go through a completely different ordeal.
“One time, I become really conscious when I saw 213 people staring at me.”
“As I lowered my head to key in the answer on my iClicker, everybody’s gaze shifted from my face to my thumb,” she continued.
“We were sick of it, it's the biggest injustice that is currently happening on campus.”
In a statement, Kishore confirmed the first phase of the strike action focussed on using a “deceive-and-desist” strategy.
“All of our members confidently keyed in the same wrong answer," explained Kishore, “and as expected, everyone copied the wrong answer,” he explained.
Santa Mander, a tenth-year Sauder student who witnessed this strike action, didn’t expect such a thing in “my darkest, scariest most demented nightmares.”
“I followed my usual routine of pressing the most common answer I obtained by estimating probability and normal distribution of the answers I see around the classroom," said Mander.
“All of us were flabbergasted when we stared at the screen to find none of us got the correct answer.”
“It is us the cheaters who should be striking, not these nerdy fellas,” Mander exited the interview room in angst after crumbling his iClicker remote.
-With files from an anonymous TA