There used to be an equilibrium where trick-or-treaters exchanged genuine gratitude and appreciation for free candy and a modest spooking. Things were stable for a time and the holiday continued in a predictable state.
Then, out of nowhere, things began to change. The formally humble youth began to expect larger candy and faster doorbell response times. The holiday became a game of speed and quantity. The weak was left to die.
As a university student living off-campus, it may seem like a daunting task to remain competitive in this cutthroat Halloween ecosystem. It’s hard to present a basement suite as an approachable establishment that isn’t occupied by something scarier than a university student. And how are you supposed to afford the sheer mass of candy that is required to satisfy the costumed youth?
Children are easily amused. A simple misdirection is all it takes to soften the disappointment of receiving a fun-sized Almond Joy. That’s why it’s a good idea to decorate your house with all the trendiest items. Carve a pumpkin with a "Fortnite" character on it! Post overused memes on your door! The possibilities are endless! The trick is to think as moronically as possible and pander to the absolute lowest forms of childish interest.
If laughter isn’t sufficient, scares might be necessary. In its simplest form, a scary mask near your bowl of candy might be enough to scare off some inexperienced Halloween goers. With a little more effort, you could actually wear the mask and provide a miniature haunted house experience. But the most mutually beneficial fear tactic I have found is to sit by your door completing your math WeBWork. While you work diligently on your assignments, children will run from your house in fear after catching a glimpse of the stress-ridden future that awaits.
If all else fails, sit on your porch, play some music and sip a beer. The fear you will instill from that appearance alone is enough to become the talk of the town.