In case you’re wondering what in the world is the Martha-Piper fountain, it’s the one you see in all the Birb memes. Known as the “pulse” of the campus, this fountain was made in dedication to former UBC President Martha Piper. It flares up during the busy hours of classes representing our chaotic student life and lays in serene during the night. In layman’s terms, it saves money when no one is there to watch.
Whatever it is, it’s still one of the spotlights of campus and it would be a shame if you didn’t have the full experience of it. While we certainly don't condone it given the damage it can cause, here are some reasons why you might, maybe, hypothetically want to add diving into Martha-Piper to your “101 things to do before you graduate”checklist.
When you’re in your fourth year at UBC (or fifth) and you’re sitting at the fountain, watching the first-year boomers pass you by, don’t tell me you won’t look back to the time you had some of your best giggles on the night you jumped into the fountain. When you’re 30 and on the verge of your third divorce, you’ll bring your son to UBC on a Sunday morning — with no apparent cause other than to flex — and tell him the story of how you met his mother at this very fountain. In all optimism, there is no way you would look back on such a day and not smile.
You might find the love of your life
Imagine this: It’s a full moon night, the sky is an array of stars and you and your group of friends have made the spontaneous decision to dive into the fountain. There are splashes, laughter and on your way back home, all you guys can talk about is how crazy that was. Before you know it, they are more than just friends, they are family. Alternatively, in the midst of all this laughter, a distinct person catches your attention. You look up and it’s the girl in frizzy dyed hair and blue eyes. Now, who doesn’t love a perfect romcom?
Be a renegade!
Let’s face it, that fountain was made with our tuition money. We basically own the fountain. So if you come to a ridiculously expensive elite school and do not take advantage of the fact that the system is suck money out of us like mosquitos suck blood, honestly, what are you doing here? Get out.
So, the next time you pass by the Martha-Piper fountain remember: The Ubyssey is not responsible for any casualties or hearts broken. Make your 20s count, UBC!