The Ubyssey's ranking of nuts for No Nut November

If you followed this list, you probably had a successful No Nut November: if not, there’s always next year! Emma Skye

Well, that was November, mostly. Goodbye Halloweekend, hello non-stop-crying on Main Mall!

We’re in this liminal space between midterms and finals and reading “week” and winter break.

November sucks. But it doesn’t have to (AYO)!

No Nut November rages on and for this auspicious occasion, your friends at The Ubyssey have a ranking of our favourite nuts of all time.

If you followed this list, you probably had a successful No Nut November: if not, there’s always next year!


Pistachios are simply the best nut. They’re classic, classy, colourful and cool as fuck.

Other nuts are easy access, but not my buddy, Pistachio! He even has a cool shell. Sure, it can be insufferable to crack open — but once you do, you will reach a new level of enlightenment.

Post-nut clarity, if you will.

Did I mention that pistachios are GREEN? That’s pretty cool, right? That is, until they start to remind me of the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock, and then I get so sad. Jay didn’t deserve that. Nobody deserves that.

I have to give pistachios a 9/10.

The minus one is because of Daisy Buchanan. I’m so sorry Daisy did you like that, Gatsby.

So if I were to lose No Nut November, I guess it would have to be because of the pistachio. Or that damn green light.


Almonds are tried and true. They’re versatile and easy to find. Big almond fan over here!

This nut contains many healthy fats, fibre, proteins and other nutrients that will make you grow big and strong. What a good nut.

Sure, they’re not as pretty as pistachios but they take no effort to eat. No post-nut clarity with almonds, but they hit the spot!



Pecan pie? More like pecan die (once you lose NNN).

I would say that pecans are pretty run-of-the-mill. There aren’t tons of different things to do with them. I mean, yeah, pecans slap, but would I go out of my way for one? No.

You may lose NNN to this measly nut, but hey, a nut is a nut, right? 6/10.


How fucking uncool do you have to be to lose NNN to this nut, let alone be allergic to it? Like what are you? 12?


You’re 21. And you’re the weakest link.

Allergic to peanuts? Well, I’m allergic to bullshit, and when you talked about your peanut ‘allergy,’ I broke out in hives.

Grow up! Eat the goddamn nut.

0/10, would not nut again.