Just when you thought UBC’s English department couldn’t get geekier, they went ahead and bought an original folio of the most widely-read playwright of all time. As if we haven’t heard enough of the guy in all our years of reading!
Who wants to see some of the world’s most important literary documents from the 1600s anyway? You could be reading the modern revisions of sessional economics lecturer Robert Gateman’s textbooks — which magically change every year?
No shade to the dark academia fans, but please consider donating some of your brain cells to the blog readers who have found themselves scrolling through this piece.
Counter to all the hype on the subject, we’re here to give you reasons why NOT to go see For All Time at the profanely-named VAG.
If you suck at climbing stairs
You know that feeling when you haven’t been athletic all semester (read: all year) and get winded because your glutes suck? If that sounds familiar, beware of For All Time! She’s not a treat for the dedicated leg day skippers.
Sadistically, the VAG has situated its latest exhibit on the fourth floor, which means either a fuck ton of stairs or a verrrrrry slim escalator. As an escala(tor)phobe, However, I shudder just thinking about it.
So this may be something you consider when planning for things to avoid this semester, because the man of the hour may not be worth challenging your vape-ravaged lungs.
If you are — to put it nicely — uncultured
Of course institutions of high affiliation such as the UBC Rare Books Collection and the Van Art Gallery rely on drawing in either those who like to think they’re cultured or those who like to at least pretend to be.
If you’re unabashedly either, it’s best to stay clear of Shakespeare. Honestly, why waste time going to see his original works that have stood the test of time when you can literally just play Mario Kart and smoke weed instead?
At least Mario Kart is more rewarding than the few pictures you’ll get beside some dumb books from 1623–onward.
If you think Marlowe was a better writer
Ah! Every English kid’s dilemma: to Marlowe or not to Marlowe?
All the world’s a stage and Shakespeare has made it here so you might as well pay him a visit…[ ]right? I mean, he’s literally at your doorstep. Or your bus stop, depending on your budget and if you’re not obscenely rich enough to live downtown.
Ol’ ‘Peare’s buddy Kit Marlowe has been thought by some to be the superior writer and honestly, props to that small subsection of the literature-reading population for standing for what they believe in. Must be hard when it’s Shakespeare on display and not Mr. Marlowe.
If you do identify with this very niche little crew of Marlowe stans, this exhibit will be a big trigger for you. You’ll walk in there steaming and come out of it absolutely stewed in rage that you didn't get to see Doctor Faustus! Sadly, it’ll probably be because you’ll realize who’s the more #relevant one out there.
Unrelated — the exhibit is actually pretty great and the blog people 10/10 recommend giving it a visit! It’s the first time that the First Folio has made it to Vancouver, and the exhibit showcases Shakespeare’s tangible legacy in our world today. Honestly, it’s kind of like being in a time machine.
Props to Dr. Mackie for setting up this collab between UBC Library and the VAG. We love y’all.
Correction: A previous version of this article, we stated that the exhibit is on the third floor, when it is actually on the fourth.