What we wish the Seth Rogen transit announcements said instead of boring safety and etiquette rules

Replace the “bing bing bing” noise the train makes when the doors close with his laughing. Gage Skidmore/Flikr

To make up for Vancouver’s over-crowded patios, sidewalks that could melt flip-flops and the general lack of air conditioning, the gods of public transportation have given us the gift of Seth Rogen. The famed laugh-haver will only be doing safety and etiquette announcements for Translink, but we’ve come up with a list of things he should say instead of superfluously introducing himself and talking about compass cards.

Replace the “bing bing bing” noise the train makes when the doors close with his laughing.

The really loud “whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir” the train makes when it starts moving.

“I am personally sorry for Sausage Party.”

"Yes it is I, the king of Vancouver."

“Actually we all can hear your phone conversation.”

“No one else wants to be listening to your dumb EDM, please put on headphones.”

“Please move to the back of the bus, or I’ll make you be James Franco’s assistant.”

“Yeah, I’m not really sure what Jay Baruchel is up to now either.”

“Drugs and alcohol are not permitted on any Translink vehicle, but I've made my career on them so, who cares?”

“The Freaks and Geeks reunion is happening.”