If you’re a US citizen sitting alone this rainy Thursday, probably reevaluating your lack of American friends, here are a few suggestions on how to celebrate the holiday alone.
Turkey time
Whether you’re an American who refuses to celebrate Thanksgiving on political grounds, or one who doesn’t mind a little hypocrisy, you’re probably still missing a pretty good dinner. So if there was ever a time to turn on the oven, it's now. However, if cooking for one just seems too sad, I highly recommend that young Americans sit at The Nest with a turkey sandwich and pretend that the loud engineering students sitting near The Delly are actually the extended family that you didn’t have to see this fall. Thank goodness.
Take the good with the bad
Remember that while you can, and often do, talk shit about the USA to anyone who will listen, no one else can. The law of Thanksgiving requires that you inundate your peers with good things about our country (unless they have a good reason for hating us, so keep good judgement). Some good and kind of non-partisan things include: Our beautiful national parks, jazz, Broadway musicals, burgers, sometimes Hollywood and Trader Joe's. And when someone starts to look at you a little too suspiciously, make sure to feverishly remind them that you voted for Bernie Sanders.
Last days of fall
This is also the season where any self respecting American will staunchly ignore all Christmas cheer until after Thursday. While we are a diverse group of people, with a variety of cultural and religious traditions — it is every American's sacred duty to maintain the fall vibe until after your Amazon packages arrive next week. And yes, by writing this article I have named myself the authority on all things American.
Meet up and eat up
Finally, make sure to pressure all your non-American friends to spend the day with you. I highly recommend guilting them with tears or bribing them with the promise of a home cooked meal. But if all else fails, text that one other American you know and tentatively suggest that you two should get dinner this weekend. If in true American fashion this friend bails on your mutual agreement, spend the holiday complaining about how much you hate other Americans.