The Dingbat: UBC researchers create 25-hour day just in time for midterm season

“We have observed that the average undergraduate student’s workload has reached new highs,” the group wrote. File Iyanu Owolab

The middle of term is always a hectic time of year, especially with our transition to online learning. But a group of researchers at UBC physics has come up with a unique solution for helping students cope: by altering the Earth’s rotation such that an extra hour is added to each day.

“We have observed that the average undergraduate student’s workload has reached new highs,” the group wrote in a paper that is currently being considered for several high and mid-level physics journals. “If every class has two midterms, a final exam, weekly assignments, bi-weekly quizzes and mandatory online discussion posts, there comes a point when students are physically incapable of completing all of the schoolwork assigned to them.”

“Of course, assigning the students less work is simply out of the question,” the group continued, “which means our only recourse is to extend the solar day by one hour.”

The diurnal extension was accomplished by the construction of a large counterweight in an undisclosed location near Revelstoke, BC. The new hour is to be called “Zero o’clock,” or UTC 24:00, in order to deprive the media of yet another allusion to George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.

UBC did not respond to our request for comments, but they now have plenty of extra time to do so.

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour column. You can submit completed pieces or pitches to blog@ubyssey.ca.