The Dingbat: Santa Ono is my best friend

Santa Ono and I are best friends. I just don’t think he knows it yet. File Martin Doe

Coming to UBC, Santa Ono is a face you see everywhere. From weekly updates to #SongsofComfort and everything in between, he really is everywhere. Not many students can say that they’re best friends with the president and vice-chancellor (only his best friend would know that he’s the vice-chancellor) of their university. I guess I’m just lucky like that.

Santa Ono and I are best friends. I just don’t think he knows it yet.

In July, I connected with him on LinkedIn, the most personal of social media platforms. From there, our professional relationship evolved into the friendship (?) we have now. I realized that my bestie didn’t follow me on Instagram. Or Twitter. Or anywhere else for that matter. I didn’t fret. Instead, I came up with a plan to have Santa notice me.

My first step was to unfollow, then refollow him on Instagram and Twitter. I know, juvenile, but I thought he’d see the spam of likes that I left him as an invitation to friendship. To no avail, he didn’t follow me back. I won’t lie, my feelings were hurt.

You’d think that the Santa J. Ono would give a follow to his biggest fan and his soon-to-be BFF, but you’d guess wrong. I gave up. You’d give up too.

Once I stopped crying and pieced myself back together, I visited my post office box to find a letter. “Dear UBC student.” Could it be? My best friend, closest confidant, the very president of my university? I skimmed the letter to see it signed, “Best wishes and stay safe, Santa J. Ono.” My spirits were lifted. He cares!

Then it hit me. I’m trying to get Santa Ono to notice me, but he already has — we’re connected on LinkedIn. I mean, I am very professional after all. He even sent me a personalized letter that no other student has ever gotten. Right? Right.

The moral of this story is not one of those ‘never meet your heroes’ things, but to become best friends with them instead. And Santa Ono, if you’re reading this, follow me back please!

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour column. You can submit completed pieces or pitches to blog@ubyssey.ca.