Take heed, The Calendar: Themed parties that we wish we could see this year

Yeah, I’ve seen frat boys naked and passed out. File Maya Rodrigo-Abdi

It’s Friday night and since I have three 20-page papers due Monday, I obviously want to get trashed and spend my entire Saturday and Sunday bent over the toilet bowl puking. I mean if you don’t trash your life in a similar fashion, then what is wrong with you?!

Searching through the options available, I give up, exasperated. Why do we have the same parties all the time? Where are the fun parties?

Since I am not inviting a bunch of people over to cover my room with sticky drinks and smelly vomit, the event organizers should take note. These are all the parties we — maybe don’t — want.

Anything but clothes

Numero uno has to be the ‘Anything but Clothes’ party — I’ve heard all the cool kids are doing it. Duct-tapping my entire body already sounds painful enough so I’d rather be drunk too.

Bring an EX to the party

Second only to ABC, someone needs to organize a party that you can only go to with your ex. Let’s stir some drama, create chaos and wreak havoc in the calm lives of unsuspecting college students. Only the strongest would survive the night.

But, there is a catch! This party is alcohol free. I’m not sorry.

Murder Mystery where there is no culprit or victim

I feel that we are missing out on a major murder mystery party opportunity and we don’t even have to look far for any potential victims! This is how we will advertise: Are you a detective? Do you love parties?! Then come solve the murder of this measly fourth year’s spirit! Wondering who did it? Could it be the one class he can’t seem to pass? Or the several assignments due tomorrow while he is getting blitzed tonight? Or the soul-crushing student debt?

Put your detective hats on and solve this murder for a chance to win.. (drum roll, please).. nothing!! We are all broke here.

There’s Waldo

After the year I’ve had — yes, I know the term has just begun — I’m desperate for a win. So we will have a ‘There’s Waldo’ party this year. All of you will dress as Waldo and I will go around pointing, ‘There’s Waldo!’ Play along, guys. My self-esteem needs this.

2008 themed

Last but certainly not least, we could all benefit from a ‘Blast from the Past - Junior High Edition’ party. I want to see all the jelly bracelets and cool graffiti coats but most importantly the bad hair and multicoloured braces. It would give me a much needed self confidence boost because I never outgrew my middle-school self. So, let’s have some fun, guys!

Let me know when these parties start happening on campus, I won’t take any credit for these brilliant ideas but would appreciate free entry and free booze!