Yes, it's official. After a year of Guptagate mayhem, Santa Ono has been named UBC's new president. And we can't wait to welcome him! He's stylish, he's hip and now he's ours. He's the president UBC needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Perhaps he will usher in a new age of transparency and stable employment at UBC — dare I coin the phrase “The Santaissance”? Here are the top reasons why we're obsessed with our new President Santa Ono:
He has his own bobblehead
Even if the UBC bookstore sold these for $50 each, we all know we'd still buy one. Who wouldn't work harder with a Santa bobblehead nodding and smiling at you from your desk as you wrote an essay? He just has that smile that believes in you the way you want to be believed in.
He made a lipdub video to Anna Sun by Walk the Moon
The future of UBC lipdub will never be the same.
He's not named after Ol' Kris Kringle, but someone cooler...
Santaro, Santa for short, is a Japanese folk character. But who is this samurai? To put it shortly, he startles some foxes by screaming at them. Then after Santa ridicules the foxes, they stalk him and steal some fish that he bought. That's what you get when you mess with foxes.
There is also this magical video game you can play called Samurai Santaro. Just imagine Santa Ono riding on horseback all the way to UBC from Cincinnati with a guardian eagle to watch over him.
Epic music plays when he steps onto a football field
It's hard for the UBC football team to concentrate on much with the shininess of the Vanier Cup blinding them constantly. We can't wait for Ono to join the Thunderbirds on the field and show us what dreams are made of.
He has a marvelous Twitter account
You can find him on Twitter as @PrezOno. Snagging a handle like that, it's no wonder he has over 73,000 followers and growing. Does Gupta even have a Twitter? No, he does not. His second and new Twitter handle for UBC is @UBCPrez — how fearless.
At the University of Cincinnati, he started the promotional Twitter hashtag #hottestcollegeinamerica. Only time will tell what dope Twitter hashtag he will create for UBC. Perhaps #wettestuniversityincanada? Or maybe even #excessivelyexcellent.
Students at the University of Cincinnati are inconsolable about his departure — a sadness that only memes and gifs can capture. Check out some of their encouragingly depressing tweets.
When was the last time you ever cried over a UBC president? That's right, never. Maybe Santa Ono will be the one to teach us how to love again.
He is secretly a rockstar in a university president's body
Look at him crowdsurf like a champ. You can tell that he has definitely done this before.
Picture this — Santa and Thunder make eye contact at Block Party, but they are at opposite ends of the crowd. Suddenly, Drake comes onto the stage and starts performing One Dance. In the fervour of the moment, students pick Ono and Thunder up to crowdsurf them to the stage. When then finally unite, they embrace and share a dance with Drake to Hotline Bling. What a wonderful world.
He dresses up like Santa Claus at Christmas and reads Christmas stories
T'was the night before finals and who would have thunk,
Not a student was happy, and many were drunk.
They broke into the president's office with little a care,
With hopes that President Ono would soon be there.
Reading me a story.
He is too good for this world.
The man knows how to rock a bow tie
Look that this stylish man. Just look at him.