Let’s make the Pit regret letting us vote on the music it plays

Ah, my favourite song... nothing. File Will McDonald

The UBC EDM Club is hosting a “Crowd Playlist Night” in the Pit Pub this Thursday where the event’s music will be determined entirely by the audience. Using the app Outloud, attendees can add songs to the party’s playlist and up-vote or down-vote them. If an upcoming song has the most up-votes, it’ll be played next.

If you’re like me, the first thing you probably thought when you read that was this has so much potential to go wrong in the best and worst of ways. Here are five songs they can achieve that with.

Rebecca Black — “Friday”

You know what it is. Ever since 2011, this timeless anthem has angered teenage keyboard warriors and lit up house parties everywhere with its autotuned-beyond-all-recognition vocals and lyrics about fun, fun, fun. Is it a terrible song? Is it so-bad-it’s-good? It doesn’t matter — what does matter is everyone’s reaction when they hear this song for the first time in years.

Potential downsides: it’s illegal to play this song on a Thursday.

Limp Bizkit — “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)”

It seems impossible now, but there was once a strange, confusing period (sometimes referred to as “the late ’90s”) where skinny white boys could combine grunge-metal guitars, funky rhythms and rap vocals and end up with a multiplatinum record. You can remind millennials of this in the best way possible by up-voting this classic of bad taste on Thursday night.

Potential downsides: do 19-year-olds these days even know who Limp Bizkit are?

John Cage — “4’33””

4’33” is perhaps the most famous composition from the avant-garde composer John Cage. The song is just four minutes and thirty-three seconds of silence — Cage feared that silence in America circa the 1960s was going extinct, so he composed the song to remind listeners of its beauty. Do millennials appreciate silence? Let’s find out.

Potential downsides: the version of 4’33” on Spotify actually has surface noise in the background. Silence really is dead after all!

The Red Army Choir — Soviet National Anthem

Finally, the drunken student masses shall seize the means of playlist production from the greedy bourgeois DJs of the UBC EDM Club. They have nothing to lose but bad remixes of Top 40 songs.

Potential downsides: it’s hard to dance when you’re busy fashioning a guillotine.

Darude — “Sandstorm”

Du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du.

Jason Paige — “Pokémon Theme”

Is there a more life-affirming TV theme than the Pokémon theme? Heck, is there a more life-affirming song in general? Not a chance. The song is a straight shot of adrenaline to the heart, and as I learned at a drunken New Year’s singalong of it, it gets a great reception from people. At first they embrace it ironically, but by the end they’re completely, genuinely enthralled. You might not be able to grind to it, but it’s nonetheless guaranteed to make nostalgic drunk millennials lose their shit.

Potential downsides: literally none.