What foods to sustain yourself this finals season

They keep the thought of procrastination out of your poor, sad brain. File Joshua Medicoff

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is simply sustain your bodily functions during times of stress. Where’s the time to make and eat a full meal during finals? Can you physically or even legally leave your desk? Here’s some food to sustain yourself with while you cry over your study materials.

Peanut butter, straight from the jar

You read that right. Just stick your whole hand in there and eat away, you sad, sad fool who is two months behind on readings.

Slices of bread, untoasted

Fast and efficient and a choking hazard, make sure you have a glass of water beside you (preferably in a several-gallon container so you don’t need to leave your desk).

Canned soup, still in can

Don’t even bother heating it up. Food safety doesn’t matter anymore when you’re cramming. Eat it out of the can if you’re feeling desperate.

Your notes

Paper comes from trees and so do apples, so I think you can eat paper? You probably shouldn’t eat paper, but if it’s the only thing in front of you, what else are you going to do? Leave your desk?

Coffee

Coffee comes from beans, beans are food, coffee is food. It keeps the brain working, it has antioxidants so that means it’s healthy — and if you buy a carafe of it from Tim Hortons or Starbucks, you’re good for a few days.

Dry Corn Flakes

They keep the thought of procrastination out of your poor, sad brain.

Yogurt

Make sure you get one of the big tubs so you don’t have to leave your desk. Just eat yogurt until you feel like your stomach is healthy and full of flora.

Banana

Eat the fruit, hell, eat the peel! It’s finals season!