What your choice of pizza place on campus says about you

Imagine it raining pizza slices in Vancouver instead of gloomy rain drops. File Sam McCabe

Imagine it raining pizza slices in Vancouver instead of gloomy rain drops. Yeah, I know you’re worried about your freshly conditioned hair — but hey, it’s free food! Anyhow, the popular pizza places around campus are no less than those lovely pizza clouds, so here’s what I think about which kind of people stand in lines at each of them.

Pie R Squared

This person loves convenience. Like a lot. They’re probably too lazy to even be bothered by food to be honest. They’ll feel like they want to eat something and Pie R Squared is likely to be the nearest pizza place. So, they’ll go there and devour calories like Godzilla while dry crust scrapes the insides of their mouth — don’t worry you’ll find them in line the next day too. Or, they might just be afraid of change and something to complain about everyday gives them stability in life probably.

Uncle Fatih’s

Okay, well, the people you’ll find here care about their food experience more. They’ve tried out all the pizzas and have made a conscious choice to walk to Uncle Fatih’s. This person is likely to be the one to tell you it’s not Uncle Fatty’s or Faith’s and trust me they do care about what they eat. If they’re a first year, they hate the dining halls more than any other person and probably don’t even eat pizza very often either. You’ll find them dining at fancy restaurants over the weekend and see them wearing latest fashion. They care about everything that involves them and they’ll publicly shame you if you dare to speak of Pie R Squared because that’s how much they hate it.

Mercante

For those who live in Ponderosa Commons, it’s just a matter of doing something different without spending too much time because they’re feeling their lives being sucked up by their courses. But others. Oh… the others. They come here for an experience of the senses — only they feel like they’re actually getting one though. They get judged by others daily for a multitude of reasons and they constantly judge other people for everything too. Most people here will probably be students struggling with their workload trying to keep it together. On the other hand, people on a loud table here don’t care about grades at all and their sole purpose in life is to be a constant nuisance to everyone.

Pizza, pizza and more pizza to you. Cheers.