Every time The Talon publishes an article I feel like less of a man

Listen, I’m a confident, red-blooded alpha male like you. I like hot dogs and hamburgers and telling women they should smile more.

So why on earth does it make my skin crawl and my really big huge penis feel shame whenever I come across a new article from The Talon?

For starters, they’re definitely trying to get under my skin. Just look at their recent article — ”An Open Critique of Sophie Gregoire Trudeau” — clearly an attempt to make me feel small and defenceless. A direct attack on my wiener.

Luckily, I know how to deal with cultural marxists. A couple caps-locked comments and I was feelin’ fine and not thinking about my father anymore. But that’s not the only time The Talon made me feel frightened, confused and unsure of my manhood.

Last week I saw a piece with a trigger warning on it, and I have to say: “getting triggered” is just not real. I was so upset when I saw this my bros had to spend hours telling me my dong is super massive and my dad is real proud of me, wherever he is.

I can’t stress this enough — I’m pro-free speech. I think anyone should be able to say whatever they want. I just think it’s important for these whiny, triggered snowflakes to understand how their words affect people’s feelings before they say them. Is that so hard?