Canadian Food Politics – Literally

The Ubyssey’s food columnist takes on the role of political PUNdit for some very serious post-election commentary.

With environmental crises looming and big agri-business impacting our everyday lives on an unprecedented scale, the politics of food is an important emerging field. Much has been written on concerns ranging from the national to the agricultural and the personal. But a literal analysis of national food politics is unprecedented — so dare I ask a more pressing question?

What if our country’s political leaders were reimagined as foodstuffs?

Justin Tru-Doughnut

Now that the dust from the election has settled, we’ve got ourselves a new Canadian icon: Who better to symbolize our national affection for Tim Hortons than Justin Tru-Doughnut? Depending on how his leadership pans out —and who you ask about it — we either have a very well-rounded prime minister or one with a gaping hole in the middle. Either way, he’s been sprinkled with his fair share of criticism, but he’s certainly not old-fashioned. Has he glazed over gender inequality in his cabinet? Doughnut even go there.

Steamed-Hen Harper

Well Harper, you made your pot and now you’ve got to steam in it. Our former prime minister was too concerned with his place in the pecking order to take his opponents seriously, so the PC party had their feathers in a ruffle trying to portray Justin as a poultry adversary. They clearly put all their eggs in one basket with that strategy. Too bad now – they’re all out of cluck. 

Thomas Mulcarrot

Many NDP supporters were salad to see that the orange wave didn’t make much of a splash on the rest of Canada. Perhaps their platform wasn’t deeply rooted enough or the party is still too far underground and hasn’t quite sprouted yet. Although Thomas Mulcarrot perhaps seems like a more responsible choice than the sexy, sugar-coated Justin Tru-Doughnut, who wants a vegetable when they can have dessert?

Elizabeth Whey

Elizabeth Whey is the key ingredient in Canada’s Green Smoothie Party, taking on the responsibility of bulking up our country’s eco efforts. If Canada wants to make environmental gains, it needs to seize the pro-green protein to make sure its policies work out and supplement other priorities — especially because we’re so fresh-pressed for time on these issues. Maybe it’s best to juice as much as possible out of her example and blend some different ways of thinking.

Veal Duceppe

Let’s just say that Veal Duceppe is an acquired taste. Arguably, the Bloc Québécois’ goals doesn’t meat the needs of many Canadians, but French Canadians do need an outlet to express the fact that they’ve got beef with the government. They can’t be completely cowed into silence by the Anglophone majority. Altogether, this group of powerful leaders can occasionally seem unsavoury to many Canadians, but it’s important not to stave your hunger for change so that they understand what our nation is craving.