Feelings of being outcast and “othered” are inevitable roadblocks in most of our lives. Nevertheless, there are always some individuals that deal with this issue to a greater extent than others. For writers Charles Demers, Camilla Gibb, Michael V. Smith and Brian Brett, this is not only the case for them, but also a poignant inspiration for their writing.
In Belonging, a Q&A event part of the Vancouver Writers Fest, all four writers personally attested to experiencing being “othered” throughout their lives. Whether through excerpts from their memoirs or discussing feelings on the spot, they also focused on how their personal turmoil translated into their literature.
Each writer shared their unique circumstances behind these works and the overall idea of belonging. In Brett’s latest memoir Tuco, he details his painful upbringing as a boy whose sexual hormones did not develop naturally. Meanwhile Smith, a filmmaker and drag queen, talked about his internal conflict growing up gay in a rural town —a subject he thoroughly he explores in his new memoir, My Body is Yours.
“The terrible thing about being other is that you internalize that,” said Smith. “When you’re taught to hate gay people, you also hate yourself … you fear exposing yourself.”
Problems of otherness caused by familial ties were also discussed. In Gibb’s memoir excerpt, she laments her estranged, alcoholic father and the emptiness of a broken family as a result. Demers also tackles the subject of his own father through one of his essays. The man he had looked up to his entire life came out to be gay, shaking Demers’ perceptions of masculinity and casting doubt on the love between his father and mother.
Despite the heavy tone and subject of the discussion, some lightheartedness and levity balanced out the gloom of the discussion. This was especially with Demers' — a known stand-up comic whose wit was evident in his excerpt.
“The sole familial responsibility of vaginal intercourse fell on my shoulders,” said Demers, reciting from his essay. His brother was gay as well. “Dad and my brother were swans, but I was just a duck … I had to learn to live with my own kind, sinking into melancholy as I realized all the other ducks wanted to do was talk about Anaheim in the NHL.”
Still, all writers emphasized the importance of their experiences and how to properly convey it through writing. This is especially with how heavy emotions can make a writer overindulgent, ultimately alienating readers. Simultaneously, all agreed in one way or another how much their feelings and work drastically change by the end of the process.
“There’s the book you intend to write and there’s the book you do write,” said Smith. “When you’re done your draft, you really have to look at [it] because it is not the thing you set out to do. That’s because your subconscious is so much more talented and insightful than your conscious mind is.”