Unsolicited advice: Communicate about kink

Fellas, we need to talk.

Imagine if your partner punched you in the middle of sex. That’d be weird, right? It’s literally a crime. Now imagine if your partner thought this was normal thing and didn’t merit a little heads-up.

That’s how a really, really shocking number of my fellow dudes seem to think about kink or rough sex. According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the United States, 30 per cent of women have experienced pain during vaginal sex and 72 per cent have experienced it during anal. If you ask female friends, a lot of them will have fresh horror stories of bad sex.

Consent doesn’t stop once you start having sex, especially when trying new things. If you’re doing anything that could cause pain — choking, spanking, biting, rough play or anal, for example — you NEED to discuss that with your partner BEFORE you try it.

Despite what porn might show you, not every person is into that stuff. Failing to communicate during sex is, at best, a guarantee they’ll never have sex with you again. At worst, it’s assault. No one is going to think asking for permission to do that stuff is weird. If anything, they’ll probably think it’s cool you thought to do it.