Freaky fridge poetry

You may have provided context for the worst things said to you during sex, but we think they stand alone just fine — or even together as a poem.

I have an idea
Call me “Papa Elf”
I wanna meet your mother
Didn’t I see you in a Playgirl?
Nice work!

Wait, did you put A or B for question 4?
We have to stop my hip is acting up
Roar like a tiger and call me daddy
You made my dick sneeze
The best investment is an abortion

Are you ready?

My dick is so hard right now it could cut diamonds
Can I lick your armpit?
I thought white girls just didn’t have pubes until I realized you shave —
Should I shave?
No me gusta

Aye aye captain

I don’t really like going down on girls
What did your mother feed you?
One does not simply walk into Mordor —
I’ll fuck you hard enough till your pussy becomes red
I am bleeding!?! I am not on my period!

I can’t hear youuuuuu

Do you have Reddit?
Yasss, Papi
I’m falling in love with you already
I think I love you
Did you just say “I love you?”
I love you


Can you help me, I don’t know what to do.