The sad, beautiful, tragic fact about everyone rightfully loving Taylor Swift nowadays is that it’s impossible to get tickets to the Eras Tour. While UBC may make you want to scream for other reasons, you can still have a taste of the best day of a Swiftie’s life while on campus with these steps.
Pay more than you can afford to a giant organization
You’ve already done this by going to UBC! Congratulations on being a proactive student for once.
Go to Arts Advising at the beginning of term
The Eras tour has a lot of lines, so why not stand in one of UBC’s worst? Maybe your curse of being perpetually waitlisted won’t extend to your courses.
You’re on a university campus; chances are you need to do this. If you’re one of the people outside my window at 2 a.m., you’re definitely being too loud.
Get engaged to “Love Story”
Think of how much more relatable some of the sad songs will be when you make a major life decision based entirely on a humour article. Even if Juliet says no, you’ll have recreated “champagne problems” without a night SkyTrain. The only difficulty is finding a Juliet, but that’s probably easier than getting Eras tickets.
Listen to “tolerate it” and cry
Isn’t going to the eras tour ultimately a group project on emotional expression? Who even likes group projects? So be so much older and wiser and do it yourself! A hug from another swiftie might help though. Just not from Kip the Coyote or a raccoon, ok? They also couldn’t get tickets.
Yell “1, 2, 3, let’s go bitch!” to the cruel autumn world
I’d tell you not to do this at your professor, but if I had that much power, I’d have Eras Tour Tickets.
Lay on the grassy slope outside the Nest and sing
Since you probably don’t own a cabin (imagine ever being able to afford a cabin), don’t even worry about the noise. If I just showed up at your party, I wouldn’t think it was the loudest.
Walk with your head down like the backup dancers in “my tears ricochet”
This is a great one for staying inconspicuous. Main Mall in November is too “ghostly scene” for people to care about you going anywhere you want and acting like a “tired student (Taylor’s Version).” But you won’t have it in yourself to go with grace if (when) you get hit by a bike.
Be surprised by Translink
If you want the suspense of the surprise song, head over to the bus loop. You’ll be so shocked how long you’ll wait for the 4 or the 14, you may even cry — just like being at Eras!
Dive into some water
The Aquatic Centre probably won’t let you swim in costume, but you can always take a dip in a floor-length dress at clothing-optional Wreck Beach. Lose your voice as if part of the screaming crowd and wonder how Taylor sings and dances for so long as you struggle up the stairs back to campus.
Sit in a chair like in “Vigilante Shit”
Believe it or not, UBC has plenty of chairs. Who knew going to class could be an assertion of Swiftieness?
Author’s disclaimer: efficacy of these methods varies (but will improve if you give me tickets, please and thank you)