explain!: Is art subjective?

What is art, really?

As art professors, artists, auteurs, visionarys, Wunderkinds, pencil guys, WhoTube speed-painters, America’s Not Talent contestants and adult entertainment watchers, we are the only people qualified to tell you what art really is. Which is… uh… the internal becoming external, and… uhhh… the ocean becoming land and, like, the vibe check becoming a slay era, you know?

No one but us can define art because we’re not just artists — we’re also close friends with the Miriam-Webster. Yeah, we know.

Her dictionary defines art as “skill acquired by experience, study, or observation,” but that’s not the art we’re talking about (sorry, Mimi). After all, we never studied or observed, and we’re the best artistes in history. We’re talking about what bestie boo defines as “the conscious use of skill and creative imagination especially in the production of aesthetic objects.”

Let’s break that down:

“Conscious” means you have to be awake when you’re doing art. We know it’s tempting to make art while you’re asleep — we’ve been there, and dude we were making so much money, like so much — but your dad might get mad that you’re not putting your brushes away and also it’s not physically possible.

“Use of skill and creative imagination” is a bit easier to break down. Basically, it’s when you go to chat.openai.com and type “give me an art idea that will light the art world on fire and finally make my dad say he’s proud of me” and then hound an illustrator on Twitter? I hardly know her! until they draw the Louvre being set ablaze with Aitch Nayme waving from inside for you.

“Especially” means “specially” and also “es.”

And, finally, “the production of aesthetic objects” means creating, producing and manufacturing so-called “aesthetic objects.”

Therefore, art is producing aesthetic objects. Here are some examples: Mozart’s Requiem in D minor, K. 626, Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse, Bernini’s Ecstasy of Saint Teresa and the moment of my conception.

You dumb fucks all around the world don’t know the purpose of art — to look good, hot, sexy, fuckable, hot and sexy. And is that subjective? No.

Dr. Imaxipad is an art history professor and a certified idiot. Dr. Jr. Jay Nayme is also an art history professor whose idiot certification is pending.

This is part of The Ubyssey's 2023 spoof issue, explain!. To read more, click here.