It’s fall. You’ve pulled the little carpet beetles off your knit sweaters and are actually pretty close to buying a working umbrella after yours was eaten by the Orchard Commons wind tunnel. The leaves are yellow, maybe red(ish), and you’ve made a playlist titled september (lowercase s, of course) which is just Red (Taylor’s Version). Coincidentally, your roommates have already placed a hard ban on “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” because they are tasteless and spiteful little hobgoblins who hate joy.
All this to say, ‘tis the season for really cute coupley shit. Like, absurdly wholesome dates jam-packed with pumpkin spice, golden hour, pampas grass, burgundy shackets and everything your Gilmore Girls-fuelled fantasies are made of.
UBC Apple Fest
If you haven’t taken your situationship to Apple Fest, you probably made them up. This annual event is the quintessential small town autumn fair vibe. Feed your partner exotic apple varieties in the Tasting Tent, or adopt an apple tree together — which is pretty much one step away from a marriage proposal if you ask me. Visit the festival October 14–15 this year.
Visit a pumpkin patch
This is a classic. Try to absolutely windmill slam dunk on the other couples by filling your wheelbarrow with all the biggest, best, most rotund pumpkins. Bam. You just won pumpkin patching, baby.
Take a pottery class
Both 4 Cats Art Studio and U Paint I Fire are close to UBC and perfect for some wholesome crafting. Create beautiful pieces that your mom will pretend to love and then toss in a closet with the rest of your kindergarten artwork because it messes with the flow of her nautical-neutral kitchen.
Eat a Great Dane Jeremy Sandwich Lady and the Tramp Style
What constitutes a fall song? “Monster Mash,” to name one. Interrupt lectures full of people you hate (because true love is just having a lot of shared enemies) with karaoke (or acapella — sing your truth) versions of this classic hit.
Rake Main Mall
Looking for an autumnal workout? We at The Ubyssey suggest taking a big ol’ rake and getting at those leaves that are about to start coming down en masse. For an extra level of difficulty — who doesn’t love a good relationship challenge — try doing it as people walk between classes from 11:50 a.m.–12:00 p.m.!
Put fake parking tickets on every car
For the couples who thrive on the misery of others.
Is this illegal? I have no idea. We suggest picking a rainy day for maximum doom and gloom.
Giant leaf pile (inside)
The long-lasting insect infestation is a constant, scuttling reminder of your true love.
Train the campus coyotes as sled dogs but for a hayride
Nothing like a classic Vancouver side hustle to bring your relationship to the next level. This seasonal activity is sure to be a hit for students of all ages, faculties and backgrounds. Looking to take it to the next level? Collab with UBC Student Tours to entice prospective undergraduate students with the promise of adopting one of the coyotes once they’ve been freed from the literal chains of your enterprising endeavours.
Fill the fountain with pumpkin spice lattes and go for a sexy swim
The bookstore Starbucks line is pretty short this time of year, so they’ll have time to craft the 274.2 venti PSLs you’ll need for this affordable and accessible date night. Recruit some other couples looking for a good time to help you drain the fountain, bucket-by-bucket, before refilling it with everyone’s favourite Pinterest-worthy beverage. Romance at its finest.