The only thing scarier than midterms? Not having a sick Halloween costume. So, like the great Ubyssey humour section ghosts and ghouls which (witch) came before me, I’m here to present you with this year’s round-up of costume suggestions, tailored to your faculty and levels of procrastination.
Arts
This is your holiday! Such rich inspiration to draw upon — everything Halloween is art: the spooky movies, the iconography (orange is the new brat green) and all that involves serving witchy looks with your boos, if you choose to dress like a millennial.
Of course, you have tons of options for costumes (or should I say ‘we’). But one thing we don’t have a lot of options for? The job market! This Halloween, you’re going to get a heck of a head start on summer internship hunting by dressing up as your RESUME! All publicity is good publicity, so I don’t see anything wrong with printing your legal government name on a huge, wearable piece of paper while you turn up. Who said “networking” had to be coffee chats and LinkedIn?.
Better yet, double up and double down! I’m talking about business in the front, party in the back, and I don’t mean the ever-trending arts kid mullet! I mean you should print out your dating profile for the other side of the costume. Because nothing, and I mean nothing, is scarier than facing rejection on all fronts, from all angles, all at once.
Engineering
I was going to write a bit about dressing up as a “normal civilian,” and make a boring joke about taking off the red jackets for a day (we get it, you’re smart and you take 75 courses per semester).
Instead, I’d like to propose you level up your engineering look — I’m talking dressing up AS THE CAIRN! I know you have the brainpower and also probably access to whatever supplies you’d need to make a 3D, wearable (paintable? climbable?) cairn. So put that “engineering” to good use (what does an engineer actually do?) and construct/fabricate/conjure a costume that will make all the less-mathematically-inclined, Spirit-Halloween-costume-buying basics of the world infinitely jealous of your one-of-a-kind drip.
Sauder
Not going to lie, Sauder lends itself to a number of easy costume suggestions — AKA every single pop culture moment which includes or references snakes. I’m talking Britney and her Boa Constrictor circa 2001 VMAs, Mr. Indiana Jones and his biggest fear (hint: snakes), Snakes on a Plane (group costume?), the Southside Serpents from the delicious, locally-filmed art piece that is Riverdale, my friend’s ex-boyfriend… I could go on and on.
However, I’d like to propose a different costume. A healing costume, perhaps? My favourite suggestion of all is to dress up like a forestry student. Throw away the suits, abandon the all-black attire and throw on some Blundstones, a warm fuzzy fleece thing and some funky socks. Study in the forestry building. Breathe in some crispy oxygen, and maybe get wild and touch a little grass in the process. Scary, I know, but I believe in you.
Science
Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind is Bill Nye. Why? I’ve always felt bad for lab coats — stuffed into the bottom of backpacks, only ever seeing the light of day when they mistake fluorescent lab lights for it. They only know struggle. They only know hardship, Bunsen burner singes and that time you accidentally spilled the hydrochloric acid on your sleeve (some STEM guy told me to write that because it would be “corrosive” and “bad”).
My point? Time to show your lab coat a good time! A new way of life! A way of truly, sincerely, really, actually, living. No, I am not talking about bringing your lab coat to life. (But if you are capable of that, you probably deserve a free science degree or something, at least).
Anyways, there’s nothing a lab coat craves more than to have lukewarm party beer spilled on it instead of that other stuff. Its pockets deserve candy, not your crusty, foggy lab goggle things. Trick or treat? Treat… your inanimate objects to a good night out, and show everyone that science rules.
Forestry
There’s many directions we could go with this. I know because many of my friends are currently taking FRST 300, meaning everywhere I go I am bombarded with people who know a lot of random things about trees. In the same vein, you could dress up as a tree. Group costume needed? A forest. Better yet, different species of trees, all native to British Columbia.
But why stop there? Let’s get down to the root of things. Let’s dig deep, get our hands muddy (metaphorically, gross) and think about the forces driving the Faculty of Forestry, and life itself. Am I talking about squirrels? A little bit. But what I’m really talking about is chloroplasts, baby.
These little green beans are important to trees and plants because photosynthesis and stuff! So hop to it, and bring awareness to the hard work these organelles put in…to…make… leaves… green? This is a horrible idea. I don’t know. There’s nothing scary about forestry. You guys are nice. Good luck with your costumes.
Kinesiology
Hey sports baddies, athletic bros and all people who lift physically and mentally — memorizing all those muscle systems is hard work, I know. In fact, there is nothing scarier than seeing my friend’s kin Quizlet, featuring many a really long word no person could ever possibly need to know referring to a very niche body part that most people don’t know they have. Scary, right?
Embrace the horror. This Halloween, we at The Ubyssey recommend dressing up as a skinless muscular system. One time (in an academic setting, don’t ask) I had the opportunity (displeasure) to look upon a plastinated cadaver (something someone majoring in English literature should never have to see). I can assure you, it was the most frightening thing I have ever witnessed, and I still see it behind my eyelids before I fall asleep at night. So draw on my terror to fuel the screams of others. Go full (FAKE) under-skin suit, the most educationally-horrifying costume I could ever imagine. Not that I need to imagine it. Or want to.
Land and Food Systems
If I could insert an audio clip of the song from Ratatouille here, I would. Everyone knows that Land and Food Systems is really just what we here at UBC call a group of people who might be chefs and also might be farmers, but nobody’s really sure. You know, because Land, and also because Food.
With that being said, I’d like to propose the following costumes for your consideration.
1) Grant Wood’s “American Gothic,” but with chef hats.
2) Ratatouille, but Remi helps Linguine use a hoe to like, cultivate the land.
3) An apple (this is either a reference to the UBC Farm, Apple Fest, or brat. You decide. Chef’s (farmer’s?) choice.)
4) Guy Fieri, but you recreate Guy Fieri’s grocery games inside Foodhub market.
5) A cow from the UBC dairy farm. (Moo… Moo deng? A hippo? A hippo-cow duo?)
Moral of the story? However you choose to get your spook on this year, please be respectful, conscientious and considerate when picking/creating/making/manifesting your Halloween costumes. Check out this Halloween guide if you can forfeit a night of studying. And, finally, take some time to cozy up by the fire and reflect this holiday season. Wait, I’m thinking of the wrong holiday. Go crazy!
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