Guys this is not a drill — there is a mechanical bull at Clubs Fair.
Why are you still reading this? You need to get the fuck to Clubs Fair and ride that proverbial and literal bull. Yes, it’s raining. And, yes, getting seriously injured four weeks into the semester may not be “advisable.” But it’s a mechanical bull and you’re a person who could be riding that bull.
The Ubyssey will be at Clubs Fair, but we will not be at our booth. We will be on the mechanical bull.
We don’t have any specifics about the bull. All we know is that it’s a bull and it’s there. What are you waiting for? Seriously, it’s time you rode the bull.
We are hearing from a source close to the bull that it is not a real flesh and blood bull but instead a mechanical bull. We cannot say what this means for you as we’re too busy riding the bull.
Some are saying the bull has always been there, we just haven’t been ready to see it.
Andrej Catthard, a third-year matadorial studies student said “this bull is a pretty good approximation of a real-life bull and anyone not riding it right now is making a big mistake. They will regret this.”
Reader, this is an intervention — why haven’t you ridden the bull yet. I’m standing here in the rain* getting whipped all around as I ride the mechanical bull and I do not see you.
*The bull is inside the Nest, but there is a rain machine for aesthetic reasons.
We’re all waiting here at the mechanical bull and you’re nowhere to be found. You’re lucky this isn’t a real bull because if it was it would be very hurt by your refusal to ride it (the bull).
The bull will be here for the next three days, but the line to ride it stretches to Wesbrook Mall. It’s now or never — it’s time to ride the bull.
We’re saving you a spot — one you-sized free space on this bull we’re clinging to for dear life. We can’t keep holding on, but we recognize the importance of this bull and we know you will too.
We'll see you on the bull.
There is a real bull at Clubs Fair in the Nest this is not a "haha."