On Reddit, between the odd AMS post and TA love story, some lonely soul writes about being single. We published a Valentine’s Day article last month about pick-up lines, but I guess none of you used them. (It’s like you’re asking for perpetual loneliness.)
Ubyssey humour is, of course, famous for its kindness. After that, it’s famous for its ability to pull. After about a week of pseudoscientific field research, we realized you can’t woo a potential romantic partner with just some cheap one-liner. No, you have to woo them with a cheap one-liner that’s also incredibly niche.
For those math, physics or statistics nerds who have trouble with romance, we have created the best, nerdiest pickup lines known to humanity that are sure to make that perfect person swoon. Now that you’ve finally gotten over the crushing disappointment of seeing all those happy couples in February, it’s time to become one of them.
With our help, you and that special someone can, as t → ∞, approach your perfect future together.
Math
- I think you are integral to my life, because I’d love to have you under my curves.
- You must be the identity matrix because I always feel like myself when I’m with you.
- If I was the basis to your polynomial, I would always be of degree zero, because I will never be your x.
- Let’s try a proof: you’re not the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Well, I guess we can stop now because we’ve reached a contradiction.
- You must be a stable point on a phase line, because I always want to get closer to you.
Statistics
- There’s no way you could be Gaussian, because the way I’ll spread you on the bed will not be normal.
- If I’m the true mean, you must be a 100 per cent confidence interval, because I know I will end up inside you.
- Are you the integral of a probability distribution function? Because I know you will always be the one for me.
- I’m going to ask you out, but I’ll tell you in advance that there’s a very large p value, so you can’t reject me.
Physics
- No matter how large your emf is, I could never resist you.
- I don’t care if you cost $1000/kWhr — I’ll still keep you turned on all day long.
- I know our currents are flowing in the same direction in life because I can feel the attraction.
- If I was a resistor, just looking at you would make me go, “Ohm my god.”
And those are just the lines that didn’t get us slapped.
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