Q: I want to have sex with the words “social media” but my wife won’t let me. Help!
A: First and foremost, I just want to say that having sex with the words “social media” is a wonderful and life-altering experience that I would recommend to all. If your wife has been resistant to the idea, you can try reframing it as a professional necessity. Since I copulated with “social media,” I have gained a mastery over Twitter and Instagram that allows me to engage with university stakeholders on a completely tantric level. I would expect similar results if you do the same!
Q: Can we interview you? - The Ubyssey staff
A: No.