“Natalie,
I recently started seeing this girl and we get along great and I’m super pumped about the whole thing, but during the last time I saw her, she asked me what my ‘number’ was. I didn’t want to lie and to be completely honest, I thought my ‘number’ was perfectly normal for a guy in university, but she reacted… less than ideally, I guess. I guess it was higher than what she thought. When I asked for hers, she said something around half what I did. I don’t care about hers and I didn’t think mine mattered either. Did I do something wrong? Should I have have lied? This is the first time I have felt like I should have.”
There’s a rumor that’s been going around and I’ll let you in on it. Your “number” is meaningless. Literally it means nothing. As long as you’re doing all the things to make sex as safe as possible and you’re not putting yourself in physical or emotional harm’s way, your number doesn’t mean shit.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl or guy or if you identify as something else, your number has as little to do with who you are as a person than say, if you prefer spring over summer. Or if at a barbeque, you ask for a hot dog or a hamburger. Or if you put on a red or blue shirt in the morning. It. Does. Not. Matter.
Apparently people haven’t gotten the message about this though, because people still ask each other’s numbers like it holds any weight at all in their current relationship. A relationship shouldn’t be in competition with those of the past, because you can never win against a romanticized past. Your relationship should be in the present, not in the past.
You have the right attitude. It doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t be shamed by your number of past sexual partners. If it really matters to her, ask her why it matters to her so much. Is she worried that you’re not ready for a serious relationship? Answer: Your number doesn’t affect this. Is she worried you’re going to run back to one of your exes? Answer: While hopefully you don’t do this, your number has nothing to do with that. Is she worried that she’s not as experienced as you? Answer: Your number doesn’t tell anyone anything about how good you are in bed.
Not that I’m saying you’re terrible in the sack, I’m sure you’re lovely, but someone could have had one partner and had sex with them every day for the last three years but when you compare them to someone who had 20 one night stands, whose number is higher? Your number doesn’t mean shit. It doesn’t matter if it’s high or low or non-existent.
People aren’t interested in your number — they’re interested in you.
“Slut-shaming” isn’t restricted to women. Sure, women generally get more — which to be honest, is probably where her nervousness about the whole “number” business is coming from — but that doesn’t mean everyone else gets off scot-free. Our society is a little bit weird about sex. That’s just how it goes.
If it bothers you still, just talk to her. If she’s really a chill gal, you’ll be able to have an open conversation about it and work through her insecurities together.
Don’t let anyone shame you for your number and don’t shame anyone else. Then the world becoming a more open and happy place.
“Dear Natalie,
My roommate unfriended me on Facebook (as a joke maybe?) and after I confronted him and poked him on Facebook to defuse the tension, he blocked me. He’s acting normally other than that and he’s been playing it off as banter but I can’t tag him in memes if I don't have him on Facebook so… how do I get him to add me back?”
Does he actually dislike you? That will be your big indicator of if this Facebook betrayal is anything more than a running joke now. Does he respond or like the memes you tag him in? While some embrace the meme life, some do not.
Still, I’m pretty sure you can block people from tagging you in posts without deleting them, so this might go beyond the meme.
If you’re friends he’ll re-add you in a few days and life will go on. If not, well, hopefully you can find someone else to tag in those sweet, sweet doggo memes and life will go on anyway.
Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at asknatalie@ubyssey.ca or at ubyssey.ca/advice and have your questions answered!