“Dear Natalie,
I’m one of those saps who fall in love easily and, unfortunately for me, Cupid struck early this year. We’re a month into school and I’m already head over heels for this boy on my floor. He’s made it fairly clear he’s not interested in a relationship but would still be down for something like friends with benefits. Should I take it? I’m usually a relationship gal, but I really, really like this guy and I kind of want to just take what I can get.
Hopefully Hopeless”
Dear Hopefully Hopeless,
I don’t know your history or views on some fairly important topics that are really relevant to this situation, but I can give you my personal advice. In my honest opinion, don’t do it. You can’t start a relationship (even one that’s just “friends with benefits”) thinking you can change the other person. You two are looking for different things and, regardless of what you think you will feel, it will be a lot harder than you think.
At least if you’re not together, you won’t have to try to convince yourself you’re happy with the situation you’re in. You won’t have to pretend it doesn’t bother you when people see him flirting with someone else or confused if people ask you if you were a couple. You won’t feel guilty when you flirt with someone else at a party because you won’t be together. At least you can give the rest of the world an honest go.
Friends with benefits can work in certain circumstances, but I would never recommend it when you’re starry-eyed for the other person. That’s just not fair to you.
“Dear Natalie,
I’m a virgin and I’m starting to get embarrassed by my lack of a sex life. I feel like everyone is leaps ahead of me and I can’t really add to conversations with my friends. Any advice?”
Are you telling me all your friends talk about is sex? How old are your friends?
Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. It should have no impact on your everyday life unless you make it a huge deal. If you want to get laid, go out and get laid. If you want to wait until marriage, go ahead and wait. Hell, if you never ever want to have sex, that’s a valid choice too.
No one should judge you for your sexual experience or lack thereof. If your friends are making fun of you, then tell them to cut it out. If they keep doing it, then drop them like you’re hot and move on to people who don’t judge you by your sex life. I have friends who are very sexually active and I have friends who have never been kissed — those facts have no bearing on how I feel about them.
So you’re a virgin. What does it matter? So are tons of other people. Some surveys report up to half of entering first-years are virgins. But regardless, being one (or not) doesn't change who you are as a person.
Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at asknatalie@ubyssey.ca and have your questions answered in an upcoming issue.