Last Words: No longer a sinking feeling from the Nest

Not to be dramatic, but the gods have smiled down upon us for the first time in months. Our prayers have been answered and our skin is clear. We are well-rested, and we think we have achieved a state of nirvana. Or, in other words, the AMS has finally replaced the sinks in the Nest washrooms.

Gone are the days of going down an entire line of those “high tech” motion sensor sinks only to discover that after multiple attempts of waving, hitting, begging, crying and praying for them to work, you must go around the corner, find a different washroom or summit a small Arctic glacier mountain to find an elder who will teach you the ways of water-bending in order to wash your hands.

Our theory is that the hand sensors were purposely ineffective and their real function was instead a fingerprint scanner created by the government, but we digress. Let us wash our hands (heh) of the old, and shower ourselves in the new (heh heh).

Let’s face it: the new sinks are sexy. Their tall, lean, elegant structure ensures a hand washing experience void of contact with any part of the device that isn’t cascading, warm, clear water. And above them awakening some sort of sink-related fetish we’ll have to unpack with a therapist for years to come, they actually fucking work (a detail seemingly unimportant to the original designers of the Nest washrooms).

Try them for yourselves, tell us what you think, come to our office and do that joke where you say the residual water left on your hands is actually pee and wipe it on our couches. We can all rejoice in the small comfort of knowing that the majority of people leaving the washrooms in the Nest have actually washed their hands rather than tried for a minute to “activate” the government motion sensor and left ashamed and dirty-handed.

The toilets may still mysteriously flush, the soap dispensers may still dispense an amount suitable for the hands of a three-month old fetus, the washrooms may very well still be haunted — but we can all rest knowing we start this school year with full hearts and functioning sinks.

We’re just wondering how much they cost.