Advice: Ask Natalie on feeling like you’ll never have a relationship

"Dear Natalie,

I'm a 20 year old guy and I've not had a girlfriend before. I've always been a little shy and I just have no idea how to actually get a girlfriend. Other guys seem to find it so easy, but why can't I? How come girls seem to ignore guys who are on the quiet and shy side but I see them chasing after guys who are sometimes a little too loud and obnoxious? What do I do? Sometimes I worry that I will die alone."

You are only 20. I know tons of people who haven't been in a relationship before or even kissed someone before. Sure, it may seem like you're the only one out there who isn't in a relationship but that's not true at all. There are tons and tons of people, especially on a big campus like this that are in a similar boat as you.

That being said I don't think there is anything wrong with being single. I personally have spent a huge part of my life being single and was perfectly happy. You don't need to be in a relationship to be content.

As for the other guys who seem to have it easy, you're only seeing one part of a small group's lives. There is a difference between the people you notice and the actual whole population. Maybe being "loud and obnoxious" draws your eyes and can give the impression that they are the majority, not just one type of man.

One thing commonly said about that type is that it's their confidence that is drawing people to them, not their noise level. You seem a little down on yourself, from your letter. If confidence is an issue for you, try things like focusing on something you are good at and can excel at and take pride in what you can do. If you criticize yourself, try to replace that thought with a positive one. You should respect yourself.

As a side note, you can be shy and quiet while still being confident and secure in yourself.

However, keep in mind that girls who "seem to ignore guys who are on the quiet and shy side" are only a portion of the female population. Everyone has different preferences when it comes to relationships, and maybe the women you see "chasing after guys" prefer "loud and obnoxious." That is their choice, but there are also women (and men) who are quieter, who don't go to the same events you do, or are just not interested in being in a relationship.

No one owes anyone a relationship, so please don't think of women as passing over you. They are just talking to people they think they would like.

On that note, you might (and this can be hard for someone shy) have to put yourself out there. You can start talking to women (people can't like you if they don't know you!) at events, class or clubs. You don't have to be loud, but you have to be present. Have fun. Don't just go looking about for a potential relationship, look for people you can connect to. Expand your social group. You can end up meeting some amazing people, even if you don't end up in a romantic relationship with them.

Finally, don't worry about dying alone. 20 is a busy age, but also really the start of your life. You will find someone. Being nervous about school, relationships and all that jazz is perfectly normal, but don't let it stop you from living your life.

You'll be fine, you'll see.

Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at and have your questions answered in an upcoming issue.