Positively Sex: De-stress with orgasmic meditation

You take naps, listen to playlists tagged “chill” and procrasturbate on every paper you write, but still find yourself stressed every time exams roll around. Although you’ve been meaning to for a long time, you still haven’t taken up meditation. Maybe you need a more direct approach. Say, straight for the clitoris?

Orgasmic meditation — or OMing — is a mindfulness meditation practice focused on female pleasure. The name might look like a contradiction as the serene face of the the average meditator doesn’t bring to mind the scrunched-up and sweaty face of the average orgasmer. Mindfulness meditation, however, doesn’t require a full lotus. It can be practiced during anything from yoga to cleaning to running. Maybe it was only a matter of time before somebody decided to combine it with sex.

That somebody is Nicole Daedone. In 2004, she founded OneTaste, a company which promotes, teaches about and socializes OMing. In her TedX talk, she described going to a party when she was training to become a Buddhist nun. A stranger took her upstairs and introduced her to the practice that OneTaste now outlines in free YouTube tutorials.

First, she would have taken her pants off and laid on her back on the floor, cushioned by a pillows with her legs “butterflied open.” Fully clothed and aided by a light, her partner would have begun to describe what he saw. Not judging, not using words like “beautiful” — simply observing. Now, with the thumb of one hand, her partner would cap the introitus or entrance to her vagina. With the lubed-up tip of an index finger and using no more pressure than he’d put on an eyelid, he’d delicately stroke the upper-left quadrant of her clitoris. The entire process takes 15 minutes, guided with a timer.

The entire time, both of them are focused on the point of connection — his finger on her clitoris. Most women don’t orgasm during while some do, but that’s not the point. The point is to make space and time for safe sexual touch and the stroker benefits from this as much as the strokee lying splay-legged on the floor. The communication, non-expectation and non-judgement in OMing are a sharp contrast to the idea of “it is my duty to execute this sexual act to completion.” Living in the moment and savouring sex is, strangely, not part of the typical narrative, but OMing puts that right in the spotlight.

The very last step of the practice is sharing frames or describing a snapshot moment of a feeling in the session using physical descriptors such as, “I felt warm buzzing from your fingertip.” Some couples report experiencing the same, ineffable physical sensation at the same moment.

OMing is to sex as yoga is to fitness and OneTaste is to OMing as Lululemon is to yoga — from the merchandising, to the accusations of being a cult. The company offers a wide range of products and services from $10 social events, to $195 intro workshops and multiple thousand-dollar training, certification and private mansion retreats.

Sexual healing did not originate with Marvin Gaye. Sex releases a whole mess of feel-good chemicals into your brain, raising your pain tolerance and making you feel better on the whole. Orgasmic meditation creates a safe, open and nonjudgemental sexual environment — the kind of environment that’s vital to good sex. It's the kind of environment that, unfortunately, many people don’t have access to in their daily lives.

Whether you’re dropping thousands on private workshops and mansion retreats or getting your coaching from YouTube, enjoying the journey instead of chugging along to that orgasmic finish line is a great way to experience sex. And hey, you won’t even need your yoga pants.

Shoutout to Adrien Fried for the introduction and the education. This article wouldn’t exist without you.