An unsober perspective: UBC's fourth annual Winter Classic

The pre-game pre-game

Illness couldn’t hold me down tonight — there was hockey to be watched. The Winter Classic was beckoning the good ol’ Canadian boy inside me that yearned to take all the boys and girls down to the local frozen pond to play some shinny on a frosty Winnipeg afternoon.

I walked into my kitchen reading the side of the cough syrup bottle for its instructions on taking with alcohol and surprisingly couldn’t find anything — and so let it be known on that day, the rallying call of university nights was let forth once more, “Let’s take shots!”

Puck drop politics

Game time. Alright. Feelin’ good. Got some drinks in me. Some more cough syrup just for good measure.

“Holy fuck, Edmonds sit the fuck down.” Huh? “Edmonds, buddy, what the fuck bud, sit the fuck down.” What? “Edmonds, your ass is huge and it’s not even nice to look at!”

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to my idol, our hero sitting in section 117, row 1 seat 1. A man who knew what he wanted and what he wanted was for Lethbridge’s backup goalie, Ty Edmonds, to sit the fuck down.

The dialogue started open and frank with our hero kindly telling Edmonds that his posterior was in the way of the exciting action and if he would please perhaps sit or get out of the way. Edmonds rebuked by not doing so, continuing his stonewalling through standing.

At this point ad hominems flew, escalating with increasing volatility. I started to wonder if my hero would scale the glass to make sure Edmonds could hear him or perhaps discover what kind of security this event had. In the end, cooler heads prevailed as Edmonds finally did sit and a touching gesture of a high-five between the glass was exchanged.

Some drunken notes on the first period goals

UBC’s first goal was at... oh boy who even knows really. What a G-note though. Mr. Silky Mitts with the fade away on the backhand like he was some Swedish Forsbergian demi-god sending it right through the wickets of Pronghorns goaltender Garrett Hughson.

Lethbridge’s goal was on a redirect — I think. It definitely changed direction. A proverbial knuckleball if you will.

Second period?

I’ll be honest, I zoned out for most of the second period. I think my fever had snuck back in despite the cough syrup. No one scored though. 1-1 going into the next break.

An incredibly short ode to Matt Hewitt

What a groin on this boy.

A home-er bounce like none other

Let’s talk about UBC’s second goal. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you play it smart. Sometimes you get lucky and play it smart. Sometimes though, sometimes you take Lady Luck out to dinner. Wine and dine, make her feel like none other. Say your goodbyes for the night and text her an hour later because you can’t get her out of your mind. Date for a few months before you confess your undying love for her and she says the same. Get married a year later and proclaim you are the luckiest person in the world.

That person still isn’t as lucky as UBC’s second goal. It took the right angle, the right hop and the right bounce off of the tip of the goalie’s skate. I think I might need a physicists to explain the fifth dimension to me to understand how that ended up in the back of the net.

A rousing round up

UBC won 2-1 and I didn’t get a hangover — which should be considered a win in everyone’s book. Highlight of the night goes to the touching moment when our political hero got up from his new seat a few rows higher to tap on the glass asking Edmonds if he wanted to go for a beer after the game. After a lot of pantomiming drinking beer to get the message through the glass, the heartwarming action was quickly ruined by someone behind me yelling for our hero to sit the fuck down.