Food.

Everyone makes it. Many like it. A few even need it.

I try to avoid it, but people won’t stop throwing it at me.

Here at Mid Appétit, we like food just enough we’ll write about it to take your money.

There are so many types of food in this world — wet, sloppy, soggy, mouldy, gritty, greasy, lumpy, etc. But I just want to focus on one today: gloopy.

Growing up in a hospital (unrelated), most of my meals were gloopy. Sure, there was the occasional Jell-O, but my childhood and adult palette is most defined by plain oatmeal.

Sure, you could argue that the oatmeal was lumpy, and you’d be right, but you’d be ignoring the trypophobia-inducing slop of a ladleful of soggy oats.

Wait, shit, that’s two more types of food.

Maybe oatmeal occupies all the food groups. Give me a minute — I need to figure this out.

Ok, so I think I’ve got it. Oatmeal is the ultimate food. It’s gloopy, lumpy, soggy, gritty, greasy and can even be mouldy if properly aged. These observations are why I’m Mid Appétit’s editor-in-chief. That and the blackmail.

While this issue regrettably only has 1 oatmeal recipe — we’ve already made gold proofs for each page so it’s too late now to add more — expect an all-oatmeal issue next month and absolutely nothing about the 25 restaurants that just closed in The Nest.

To me, food is art, shitty modern art no one understands. In this issue, we bring you everything from gourmet frat house dinner to recipes for all the mould growing in your mini fridge.

If you have time, give them a try. Or don’t — I know you’re just here for the oh so sexy food pics. We hope they’re all mid.