Twelve days of completely secular yuletide beats: Christmas Happens Every Year, will condition your frail mind to fear the words “O Christmas tree” like a traumatized lab rat

Note: Jack Hauen is a writer for the Syrup Trap, so you can just go ahead and disregard everything here as shameless promotional drivel.

To get your exam-riddled brains full of the holiday spirit, The Ubyssey is prescribing a healthy, 12-day course of ridiculous music reviews. Enjoy, you poor souls!

You didn't ask for it, so here it is — the Syrup Trap Christmas album Christmas Happens Every Year, where all the lyrics are “O Christmas tree.” Not the full song, mind you — the entire album is literally just a few uncomfortable Canadian satire artists mumbling the words “O Christmas tree” over and over again to the tune of a bunch of different Christmas songs.

I really don't know what to tell you about this one. It starts with Syrup Trap stalwart (and former Ubyssey coordinating editor) Paul Bucci stumbling his way with an affected awkwardness through the beginning of — what else — “O Christmas tree.” The joke wears itself thin almost immediately as he takes a half-beat after the actual part in the song where you're actually supposed to repeat “O Christmas tree,” and instead of moving on to the rest of the lyrics... just keeps saying “O Christmas tree.”

But then something incredible happens. As Bucci leans into the nervous tension of the hacky “guy-who-forgot-the-lyrics” bit, it slowly dawns on you that he's not giving up. Then he picks up some steam. Then he really gets into it. By the end of the song, this untrained, unsettlingly untalented troubadour is going straight Burl Ives on the track.

Right at the crescendo, the song ends. There's a pause. Static crackles. Before you know what hit you, Bucci is going just as hard on the “O Christmas tree” remix of “Let It Snow.” It's magic.

The rest of the album continues much in this fashion, featuring different personalities and a minor carolling subplot. Put it on in the background of your next holiday get-together and see if anyone notices, or better yet, listen all the way through and see if you're ever the same person again.