So that was 2021, eh? What a disaster.
I started the year off with so much hope. I remember sitting in my dark room in the basement — complete with unbrushed hair and rumpled pajamas — with Zoom on in the background while I made a late New Year’s resolutions list. Just make it through one more term online and then everything will go back to normal, or so I thought.
I wanted to spend more time exploring campus, something I hadn’t had the chance to do earlier in my degree because my imposter syndrome made an appearance every time I stepped out of my dorm room. I wanted to reconnect with friends from my first two years at UBC. I wanted to slurp a chai-nog latte from that cafe in Buchanan A. I wanted to feel the passing of time, not just watch my life slip by as I stared at a screen.
By the time that summer break rolled around, everything felt a little bit lighter, but also steeped in suspense. Yes, vaccines were rolling out, but what if even after getting the vaccine, things still didn’t go back to normal? What if the isolation wasn’t the worst of it? What if I still wasn’t the confident student that I wanted to be?
At the end of the year, I had a few more answers… and a heck of a lot more questions. With a year of hybrid learning under my belt, I felt ready to go into a new year and face any challenge. I’d written an undergrad thesis during a global pandemic as a working student. I felt like I’d finally started to figure out how this whole university thing worked.
And then we went back to online learning.
Now, as I write this in 2022, I want to say that I’m still feeling in control, but I can’t. With friends catching COVID left and right, it feels a lot more personal this time around. I’m caught between wanting to immerse myself in the final term of my undergrad and wrapping myself up in a blanket cocoon to avoid getting sick.
Luckily, we have the technology to keep classes going despite not being able to meet in person — I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my classes to distract me from the overwhelming everything.
So, here’s to another year. At this point, I won’t even wish for a good one. I’m alright with average.