Bottom of the Queue: Hard Ticket to Hawaii

As you know, The Ubyssey strives to find the best of the worst that Netflix has to offer to you. However, for this week’s review, we wanted to extend our essential service to include those who for some reason still don’t have Netflix (or aren’t mooching off of your friend’s account yet). This week’s film, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, can be found in all its glory on YouTube. So now you really have no reason not to see it. And trust me you're going to want to see it.

This might very well be the crowning jewel of terrible cinema. Written and directed by the legendary Andy Sidaris, the film follows two operatives of the aptly-named “Agency” who accidentally intercept a delivery of diamonds to a drug lord. The drug lord is not at all pleased about this, and goes to great lengths to retrieve the diamonds. More agents are called in to help, and a no-holds-barred battle royale for the diamonds ensues. If that storyline doesn't keep you interested, there’s also a giant, deadly snake on the loose to complicate things. Need any more convincing? The tagline for this film is “This Ain’t No Hula!”

Right from the impressively cringe-worthy intro music, this film delivers on all accounts. It’s filled with tons of quotable dialogue, rad 80’s hairstyles and a superbly ludicrous chase scene featuring a handstand skateboarder, a blow-up doll and a bazooka. Let's not forget the gore. This film epitomizes the lost art of practical special effects. No excessive overuse of CGI blood here. Just good old fashioned blood squibs. If great dialogue and even greater special effects don't keep you entertained then the action sequences sure will. There is a great flow to the story, and a definite feeling of mounting tension towards the climax, and equation for an instant classic.

The bottom line: Stop reading this and go and revel in the eternal greatness that is Hard Ticket to Hawaii.