EnviroMENTALS. Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy. Show Me Ya TDs. Girls Gone Wild. Beaches Be Cray. Gold Diggers. Homewreckers. High Speed Drillers.
Got SEMENT? Suckin' D's and Strokin' P’s. Whiskey Disc. Floppy Disc. Peter North Stars. #AirCanadaSucks.
The intramural team names in one of these paragraphs were censored by UBC Rec, and the others were deemed okay. Assuming you haven’t read our Last Words on the subject, could you figure out which one is which?
The first paragraph has names that make light of mental illness, prostitution, violence against women, misogynistic stereotypes and sexual acts. The second one includes four penis/vagina puns, a porn star and a shot at a Canadian airline company (or perhaps a subtle Maple Leafs jab).
None of the names are as objectionable as, say, the Washington Redskins, but if I had to decide, I’d say the ones in the first set are probably the more likely set to be renamed.
Of course, I’m trying to make a point here, so that’s not the case. Rec deemed all the names in the second paragraph too abhorrent for student eyes and ears, and told the captains to change them, or they’d do it for them. Or, in the case of #AirCanadaSucks, they just changed it right away.
The members of the offending flag football team didn’t even get a chance to come up with a new moniker for themselves before Rec decided that #ACSucks would be much less repugnant to UBC students’ delicate sensibilities.
The reason for the name change? “Just in case Air Canada suddenly sponsored the football league,” said #ACSucks member Liam Watson. To add insult to injury, one of their players had the initials AC and “took the change personally.”
“We're still waiting on those free flights for compensation,” said Watson.
I’m not claiming that this situation is a conspiracy, that Rec has an agenda or that this is the beginning of Big Brother on campus, tyrannically ruling all fun at UBC -- all I’m saying is that it’s stupid. Rec needs to get their shit together and decide which way they’re going to take this: either they can review every name that comes in and reject it based on some semblance of consistent criteria, or they can let students name their recreational indoor soccer league team whatever dumb name they want, and step in only for extreme cases.
Personally, I’m of the belief that students are mature enough to handle the mention of a porn star’s name, a thinly-veiled reference to a floppy penis, or the word ‘semen.’ That said, if you found yourself feeling faint, nauseated, enraged, aghast or terrified while reading this letter, please send a resume and cover letter to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject heading ‘I just stepped off the Mayflower and I need a job.’