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20220910 i janmohamed ubyssey office

A month into 2023 and it feels like it has been a year already! To celebrate the upcoming year of laugh and love, and mourn the past year of whatever the opposite of laughs and love is, Ubyssey blog put together a list of our ins and outs for the year.

20230130 a mcelroy spooky gym

It’s January 30. You’re going to the ARC for the first time because your new year’s resolution was to actually bulk instead of just saying ‘it’s bulking season’ every time you eat. How do you show that you’re not like the other new years newbies while simultaneously outclassing the 6 a.m. rise and grind crowd?

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Last Tuesday, reports obtained by The Ubyssey showed that you’ve been totally weird recently, man. Eyewitness accounts state that your vibe has totally shifted the last couple weeks and that you’re kind of freaking everybody out.

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Newly single? Long-term single? Not sure how to adapt to the fast-paced world of internet speed dating? Afraid of failure? Afraid of success? Well here are The Dingbat Dirtbag’s surefire tips to change things — even if it’s not for the better.

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It’s dark. You’re driving down University Boulevard, and the silence of your night-time drive is only fractured by the sweet lullabies of a crooning Taylor Swift filtering through your car stereo. It’s a perfect drive — too perfect. You speed up, delighted by the gentle purr of your car’s engine, when all of a sudden you see it: A flash of black. Then blue — that dreaded blue.

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It’s sweaty and full of bodily fluids. It’s dark, humid and has the scent of something that died a few days ago. It’s full of all kinds of hair and other unmentionables… it’s the Pit on a Wednesday evening.

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Let’s be clear. This is not a place of earnest political discourse. If that is what you seek then look to the Ubyssey’s news section. Herein you will find exclusively fun facts, jokes, and online security information about your 2023 AMS presidential candidates.

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