It’s totally normal not to use protection with your long-term monogamous partner — if you’re both free and clear of STIs, have at it. Those of us who need to worry about pregnancy have other barrier-free means of birth control.
But after a breakup, once your tears have dried and your monkey brain beckons you to redownload Hinge, it is essential to get back into the habit of carrying around latex (or an allergy-friendly alternative).
Case in point: after my breakup last spring, I toyed with the idea of sex with different people for the first time in six years. Proudly implanted with an IUD, I hadn’t looked at or so much as thought about condoms since Pretty Little Liars was still on TV.
One of my first hookups post-breakup was with a man recalled in my carnal canon only as Peanut Butter Guy, because of the unexplained jar of peanut butter he had on his bedroom floor.
Once we got to the main event, Peanut Butter Guy pretty much immediately came (humble brag, I know). Startled, he said, “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve done it without a condom.” I froze. I had completely forgotten that was something you needed to worry about when a stranger’s genitals are inside of you.
Looking back, I shouldn’t have been surprised that a straight man seemed to conveniently share my amnesia for contraception. Even though I was ready to put myself back out there, I didn’t bother buying my own condoms since I thought it should be the responsibility of the person with the penis to have them.
So my advice for anyone coming out of a long-term raw-dog relationship is to force yourself to go out and buy some form of sexual protection (because those condoms in your dresser are probably expired) and keep them on you.
And straight men? Don't be Peanut Butter Guy. Check in with your partner before going in unprotected.
No matter if you find the experience mortifying or mundane, it will remind you that protection exists and you spent money on it. So USE IT!
This article is from Reclamation, The Ubyssey's 2023 sex and relationships issue. Read more personal essays and student stories from Reclamation here, and sexual health and education articles here.