Search the Archive
humour
- All
- News
- Culture
- Features
- Opinion
- Humour
- Science
- Sports
- Photo
- Guide
- Videos
- All magazines
- Magazine: Resolve
- Magazine: Seg Fault
- Magazine: Memory Leak
- Magazine: Redefine
- Magazine: System Failure
- Magazine: Ways Forward
- Magazine: Goes Around
- Magazine: Comes Around
- Magazine: Reclaim
- Magazine: Self
- All Spoofs
- Spoof: Mid Appétit
- Spoof: explain!
- Spoof: Girlbossmopolitan
- Spoof: NICE Magazine
- Spoof: The Main Maller
- Spoof: 2019 Spoof: Who?byssey
- Spoof: 2018 Spoof: Oh-No
- Spoof: 2017 Spoof: Breitbarf
I was tasked by the humour section to visit UBC’s Morris and Helen Belkin Art Gallery as part of its expansion into art coverage (and conquest of the culture section). But the Belkin was closed because of the snow, or at least that’s what I told my editor — I did not check.
The greed-filled, gripping story of President Coriolanus Snow had everyone sitting at the edge of their seats with crossed legs and watering mouths in anticipation.
Pattern your week after this step-by-step walkthrough, and the world will be your study oyster! Wet and clammy.
After you complete these six easy steps, your professor is sure to cancel your exam and you will become a hero amongst your classmates.
Am I graduating? Oh, God no — this is my first year. I just don’t feel like doing this seven more times.
You believe the frail, wide-eyed, cold dust covered little lad inside the Martha Piper fountain is another pre-finals induced hallucination. But still, you approach it slowly, about to offer your puffer to the poor soaking and freezing thing.
While UBC may make you want to scream for other reasons, you can still have a taste of the best day of a Swiftie’s life while on campus with these steps.
The Ubyssey obtained a redacted copy of a Board of Governors (BoG) survey which asked respondents whether they support a tuition increase. Every single one of them said yes.
I’m brave. I’m bold. I’m a survivor — nay — a trooper — no — a warrior. And I did it all for you. This is my story, this is my truth, this is my tale. One shot, one opportunity, mom’s spaghetti.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I don’t believe in throwing away time for trivial matters like sleep, school or employment. Hopefully, you’ll be inspired by my actions to make more out of your time off from classes as well.
“Ironically enough, campus speedrunning is a marathon, not a sprint,” said Discord user SweatWeasel98 in a 360p video call on ubcsecure that cut out seconds later.
Find the link between the starred clues
Unfortunately, the Ubyssey writer assigned to cover this (Landen) was otherwise occupied bombing their midterm, and was unable to see the game proper.