99 things to do at UBC: I lost myself, found myself, and found my old self is my best self

I mean, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? Zubair Hirji

#28 Lose yourself

University is the time to find your identity. We come here to learn about ourselves and mold our social circles into what we’ve always wanted. But before you find yourself, you need to lose yourself.

I found that the best way to lose myself was to wake up, hop on a bus and keep my eyes closed until I felt it was time to get off. Then, feeling my way for the exit, I got off.

It also helps if you’re blackout drunk during all this.

Then, if you’re lucky, you would have lost yourself and you might be somewhere like Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam or the Northern Free State of Burquitlam.

#29 Reinvent yourself

After successfully losing yourself, you can now start from John Locke’s blanco slato. It’s finally the time to become the cool person you’ve always wanted to be.

The best reinventions are inspired by cultural icons like Mac DeMarco, Kanye West and Full House’s Danny Tanner. My reinvention was inspired by what I imagined every cool guy to be since I was a kid. So I grabbed a pack of American Spirits, a backwards hat and threw on a baggy flannel.

This was to the new look that would replace my childish T-shirt I got one summer on a camping trip.

#30 Re-reinvent yourself

Okay, so my lungs hurt from all the smoking and I was tired of being followed around my favourite 7/11 at 3 a.m., so another reinvention was due.

Maybe I could start using finger guns more frequently? Maybe buy a few trench coats and have that be my thing? Always walk around with a martini? This has to be the new me. It has to be better and even more reinvented than before.

#31 Realize reinventing yourself is a lot of work and go back to original you

Meh, this is really taking too much work. I liked the old me. I didn’t have to smoke or buy old clothes. I mean, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? And who knows, maybe Revelstoke, BC T-shirts will be fashionable in a few months.